Remember Us // Byler

But Eleven...

but that's not bad, if you like someone you should be with them right?

These words ring throughout my dreams all night long. I can't help that my mind wanders to all the darkest outcomes this could bring me. Was El really right? My sleepless night comes to and end when I hear footsteps from upstairs. I am slumped down in my basement sofa all night long, whilst El was in a sleeping bag just next to me. I told her I didn't mind sleeping on the floor but she insisted. Last night after the continuous sobbing for an hour, me and El sat around the TV. We made popcorn for each other and I let her borrow one of my big sweatshirts for the night. It was my idea she stayed since we lost track of time after our long conversation. Once it seemed to be over it was too dark for El to walk back home on her own, since Lucas dropped her off here to see me last night. We snuck the popcorn down to the basement and it was no short of giggling the whole time. At one point El grabbed the popcorn out my hands and ran off with it knowing that my parents don't know about her or her staying the night. She ran through the halls of my house and if it wasn't for my dads loud snoring I am sure everyone would've woken up to the sound of El spilling the popcorn everywhere. We sat around the TV and we continued our antics. I stole the blanket off of El which led to her tackling me. Overall the night was great all things considered. There were times in the night where everything got too much... that me and El play fighting I somehow broke down. It reminded me of when Will and I used to wrestle over the remote or fight over the best Star Wars film. I of course would always be correct but... I'd always let Will win.

El ruffled my hair with the blanket laughing at my idiocy and I felt the tears clog in my eyes... I couldn't breathe again. The world was spinning but not like a dizzy spinning I was experiencing because of flipping over in the fight but an out of body experience. Everything is different now and nothing will ever go back to how it was. El probably hates me though she says she doesn't. I would hate me, I do hate me. Once I hear this voice in the back of my head the mood completely dropped. El noticed this and wrapped me back in a hug. Her chin pressing down on my head and arms locked around my neck. I took hold of her arms and just breathed. Every time this happened El would remind me that everything was okay. That there wasn't something wrong with me and that there isn't. Though I believed her every time there is still that damn voice that won't go away. After stuffing our faces we retreated to the basement and El almost passed out right away. I contemplated on telling her about- well about Will. But I couldn't. It might change her whole judgement that the boy I liked was... is... my best friend. How would that make her feel? Like I never cared for her? Used her? So, all these thoughts ran my mind till it was burned out. I passed out I suppose... I don't remember even shutting my eyes. I was just starring at the basement sky contemplating... El... she accepts me... Lucas... will he ever... Max... does she know...Will. Will... goddamn Will.

I scrunch my eyes to see a silent El patiently waiting for me to arise from my slumber or lack there of. I slowly rise and a sharp pain awakens in my neck, caused from laying on a sofa in the most awkward way. Nevertheless I turned up anyways. El with sleepy eyes still managed to crack a smile for me. Her hair is all static, in the dark blue sweatshirt and her legs crossed.

"Morning" she giggles a little.

"Ye-eah morning" I yawn and complete my movement sitting completely straight up. I notice that El seems a little too comfortable, it's not like she has just woken up. "El?"

"Yeah"

"How long have you been awake for?" she smooths her hair down with hands resting on her neck.

"I don't know... a while." The air is uneasy, the scorching heat makes my skin crawl and my stomach grumble. Every time I blink black spots appear everywhere but this isn't unusual. I keep thinking back to that day in the woods. The sunset was as blinding as this heat and... Will. Everything just seemed so perfect and so right. I just wish that this was all different. That this wasn't so hard to understand and that maybe not so hard to accept. No one will accept me once they know the truth... about me... about Will... about everything. Soon into my trance I realize I've drifted off into that state once again. I look to see El on her feet. This time she has cleaned herself up. "Mike do you have any of my clothes from-"