What My Best Friend Doesn't Know (BoyxBoy)

Chapter 20: Ryan

**TRIGGER WARNING: DISCUSSION OF RAPE. READ WITH CAUTION**

So much for staying away from each other.

James is laying on my chest. His breathing is heavy and he's clutching onto my shirt for dear life. 

"James. What's wrong?" I ask him again. 

Still no answer. Just a tightening of his fists into my shirt. I tentatively rest my hand on his back and soothingly rub circles into it.  I feel him shudder against me. 

With a lot of soothing words and touches, I finally get James to relax against me. His muscles relax as I rub his back, and his breathing returns to normal. It took almost an hour to get him relaxed; geez what happened to him? 

I don't want to press the subject if he was this worked up over it but.... I feel the need to know. He's my best friend. If it's something big he should be able to tell me right? 

"James?" I say quietly. 

I get a muffled "hm" as a response. He has his face pressed up against my neck. 

"Are you ready to tell me what happened?" 

His body stiffens against me again. Shit. 

"Hey, hey it's okay!" I say soothingly rubbing his back again, "If you don't want to tell me, that's okay. I just think that I would be able to help you more if I knew what was bothering you." 

He mumbles something that I can't understand against my neck. 

"What'd you say? I couldn't hear you."

He sits up and sits cross legged on my bed. I sit up with him and place a hand on his shoulder. 

"You can tell me anything. You know what right, James?" I sat to him. 

He nods. He looks everywhere but at me. 

"James," I say bringing my hand to his chin. I turn his head to look at me, "What's wrong?" 

He takes in a shaky breath, "I-" He pauses, "It's nothing. It's stupid." 

"It's obviously not stupid if you're having such a reaction to it. Was it your dad again?" 

He shakes his head, "It's Lauren." 

"Lauren? What happened?" I ask, shocked. 

"I... um... we did something before I came to your house.."

 "What did you guys do?" I question carefully. 

"It wasn't really me. I... I told her to stop.... and she-she didn't.." 

My heart sinks, "James... are you saying you guys had sex?" 

He nods and lets his head fall. 

"And... and you didn't want to have sex?" 

He nods again. 

"Did you tell her that you didn't want to?" 

He nods, "I... I said those exact words. 'I don't want to have sex with you.' She said I already gave her consent to do whatever she wanted by participating in some vanilla stuff on the couch downstairs. You know... making out, grinding, that kind of stuff. She said I couldn't revoke that consent once I already gave it...." 

I take a sharp inhale through my nose, trying to relax myself as I feel the rage boiling in my veins. "So... she... raped you?" I question gently. 

He turns away from me, "I don't know. I mean... I orgasmed so I must have enjoyed it right? Is it really rape if I think I enjoyed it?? And guys can't be raped can they??" His voice begins to shake.