Part Eleven

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I sat in my doctor's office and waited for him to enter the small examination room.  Mom seems to think he can do something to give me some relief from the nightmares and my lack of appetite.  She has more faith in the man than I do, but I'm here to satisfy her so she won't worry as much. 

There was a tap on the door.

"Come in."

In walks the family doctor my whole family has seen for years.

"Cora Ashley, I couldn't believe how fast you grew up when I saw you on the news the other morning.  It's so good to see you." He shook my hand.

"It's nice to see you too, Dr. James." I lied, nobody likes going to the doctor.

"How can I help you today?" He sat down on his rolling chair and looked up at me as I sat on the examination table.

"Mom sent me in. She seems to think you can help me, but I'm sorry if I'm wasting your time."

He crossed his legs.  "What's going on?"

I cleared my throat.  "Over a week ago, I experienced a devastating loss.  My dearest friend died under mysterious circumstances, and I had to travel back to Seattle to identify her remains.  Ever since then, I can't eat, but when I do, I get sick.  I can't sleep, because when I do, I have nightmares, and I'm always exhausted.  I guess my health is suffering, and I can't seem to shake this funk.  Soon, it's going to affect my work, and I need some kind of relief." I said.

"Well, everyone grieves differently, and a broken heart can truly affect your health.  Sometimes, just talking about it can help, where drugs just mask the natural process of your grief, which can be just as harmful.  Have you considered speaking with a grief counselor?" He asked.

I shook my head.  "When would I have the time?  This cloud over her death has been left on me and me alone.  I'm the benefactor of her estate, and I'm in the process of trying to find her family." I answered.

"Before I can prescribe anything to help you sleep, I need to do an exam.  When was the last time you saw a doctor?" He asked as he got up, then held his stethoscope to my chest.

I gave him a guilty look.  "It's been a few years."

"Take a deep breath in, then let it out." He said.

I did as I was told, and he hung the stethoscope back around his neck.  Then he started feeling around on my neck.

"Okay, do you had any concerns other than what you have already told me?"

"No."

He looked into my eyes with a light.

"Alright, when was your last period?"

I thought back and had a hard time remembering, so I reached for my phone. 

"Oh, it was September 5th."

He looked at me, then thought about it for a minute. "That was your last period?"

Oh, God.

"Yes."

"Do you usually experience regular periods?"

"Yes," my heart is pounding against my chest.

"Maybe the stress of the move and this grief has thrown it off?" I asked.

"That is a possibility, but we need to give you a pregnancy test before I even consider prescribing you any medication." He then started looking in my ears.

"Are you sure that's necessary?" Now my hands are shaking.

"Yes, what you've described could likely be symptoms of pregnancy, and since your period is late, I think there's a good possibility. Have you been sexually active?" He asked.

"Yes." Now I really am concerned.

"I will have Janice give you the test, and I will be back shortly." He patted my hand.  "Everything will be just fine." He turned and walked out the door, and tear fell down my cheek.

This cannot be happening.

His medical assistant came in and showed me to the bathroom where I had to pee in a cup, then brought me back to the small exam room.  The entire time I waited, I prayed for the test to come back negative.  I know there's a possibility, and I've never been so scared in my life.  I can't have a baby, especially not with Gray. 

He tapped on the door, and I told him he could enter.  It's the moment of truth, and things moved slowly as I watched him walk back in the room and lean against the counter, then cross his arms. 

"The test is positive, Cora.  You're very late for your period as you know, and it's not just a few days.  I calculated that you should be somewhere around six weeks along, your due date would be July 18th."

I burst into tears right there as my childhood doctor looked down at me. 

"Of course, you have decisions to make, but I'll be referring you to an Obstetrician.  I cannot prescribe anything at this time to help with your grief, but I will be sending you home with a prescription for prenatal vitamins.  There's a very good one available now that can help with the nausea." He said, and I just nodded as I cried.

"I can give you the number to a very good grief counselor.  I do think she could help you right now, and to be honest, I traditionally avoid prescribing medication that will not benefit you physically.  This is the route I would rather see you take at the moment."

Again, I just nodded my head. 

"I've had wine lately, could I have already damaged the..." Oh my God.  "The baby?"

He shook his head.  "Just stop now and everything will be just fine.  I would like to refer you to Dr. Wiseman, she is only about a block from here, and she truly does have all my respect. I know you will be in good hands, and you can discuss all your options with her at your first appointment.  I'll also give you the name and number of the grief counselor I told you about."

He walked over and patted my shoulder.  "You do have options, and I know whatever you decide will be the right decision."

I looked up at him.  "Thank you."

"Best of luck, Cora, and I am very sorry for your loss."

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