The Shadows Of My Past (Destiel)

Chapter XV: Hatred, Jealousy, Sadness and Love

Dean's voice got caught in his throat as he tried to speak. He wanted to scream, he wanted to cry out in relief but he couldn't. He was paralyzed, staring at the very much alive man in front of him as if it were the first time he'd seen this beauty. Cas' blue eyes sparkled with happiness as he caught sight of Dean, his lips parted as he pressed out a quiet 'hey'.

The hunter smiled down at him, staring into the other man's eyes as if he wanted to make sure that it was really Castiel in front of him. Dean sighed, leaning down as he placed a soft kiss on Cas' forehead. "I missed you." Without waiting for an answer, Dean stood up, letting go of the angel's hand to walk out of the room. "Where are you going?" "I'll go get your brother, he can't wait to see you." Dean held his breath, not quite sure if he should say the next part aloud. "He needs to inform you about something."

He left the room silently, not answering Cas' confused questions. As much as he wanted to tell him everything, to stop him from worrying all too much, Dean couldn't. He didn't know anything about the angels, nor did he want to. It was hard enough for him to carry on hunting, he didn't want the only precious thing in his life to just be another part of the hunter life. Dean needed to make a cut, but he didn't know where.

Of course, he would never leave Castiel, especially not now. He needed the hunter now more than ever. Dean remembered the many times he had been friends with supernatural beings. Creatures he shouldn't have been friends with, yet they helped him whenever he needed them.

His train of thoughts was disturbed as a hard surface hit against his skull, making his brain pulsate in his head as if it was about to explode. "What the-" Dean observed the column in front of him, wondering how he could've missed it. "Dean?" Gabriel rushed to the hunter, his expression giving away what he wanted to ask. "Yeah, he's awake. I told him I was going to get you."

Gabriel nodded, walking past him with fast steps. "Wait!" The angel turned around, eyes focused on Dean's, which still seemed so lifeless. "Yeah?" "No it's.... it's stupid. Nevermind." Although Gabe would have loved to just walk away and forget whatever Dean wanted to say, he couldn't. He knew that he had to get over disliking the man for Cas' sake, and if this meant to hear him out in the worst of all times, he would do exactly this.

"No, what is it?" Dean took in a deep breath, trying to relax his rapidly beating heart. He was on edge, his fingers trembling with anxiety as a thin layer of sweat formed on his hairline. "I need to tell him something, but I need to know if it's okay if I do..It's kinda a big thing..." Dean scratched the back of his neck, trying to avoid Gabe's gaze as he felt his face heat up. He didn't necessarily want to discuss it with his brother's boyfriend, but Dean assumed that it would be best to ask if it was a wise choice to do what he was about to do.

Gabe's eyes widened as realisation hit him, his expression going from annoyed to suprised to completely happy. "You should tell him." "But you said-" "It doesn't matter what I said. Important is what you've got to say. So do it. Now!"

Dean nodded, rushing into the direction he had come from and into the tiny bedroom. Cas was still lying on the bed, not seeming to have moved from his utterly comfortable position. Dean took a few steps towards the man, staring down at him as if trying to find out what to say. His mind wandered to a million different places, searching for all the words he wanted to say, for all the feelings he wanted to reveal and all the emotions he needed to suppress. In the next minute, his future would be known and sealed, and he couldn't do anything but hope that it aligned for him.

The hunter sighed, taking a seat on the soft mattress. He took Cas' hand, noticing how cold it still was. "Wow...this is harder than I thought." He took in a deep breath as he gathered all his strength and willpower, as he pushed away the anxiety and insecurity. "Castiel, there's something I need to tell you."