Blue Sky // Josh Kiszka

I love you

On Jake and Josh's birthday, I gave my sister's boyfriend a twenty first century mixtape, to pay back the one he gave me - and that I listen to every day. There was a family and close friends dinner at their house, to which I arrived early in order to help organizing. Venus didn't and I took the opportunity to have some alone time with Jake and give him his present. He hugged me so tight I sometimes can still feel his arms around me.

He and my sister had a fight that night. No one knows what happened, but she didn't even stay the night, leaving before everyone else.

My mixtape for Jake was composed of my favorite songs at that moment. Music usually writes my life and translate my feelings, so those songs, even subconsciously, were meant to tell him a story, my story.

I believe he understood the message, because a tension began to weight heavy in the air around us since then. The way he looks at me now is different, his eyes are more intense, his hands linger whenever he touches me, even his voice sounds different when we talk. Not that it was a surprise I like him, we all know it wasn't, but I guess my boldness caught him off guard.

Flirtatious actions like the ones from New Year became a common thing. Whenever we're close, his skin touches mine; it can be our knees accidentally bumping when we sit side by side on the couch or his hand lightly resting on my thigh under the table.

And when we're alone, he becomes incapable of talking on a normal tone, he has to whisper everything in my ear, letting his lips brush there and his breath hit my neck. Once, he intertwined our fingers and nudged my neck with his nose, saying how much he loved my scent, before leaving a kiss there and walking away. He always walks away.

And still, he didn't break up with my sister.

"Your prom is next week, right?" He asked me a week ago, sitting by my side on his living room. Josh had just excused himself to the bathroom, leaving the two of us alone.

"Yep."

"Do you have a date?" My eyes runned from the TV to his face, trying to read the intention behind his question without much success.

"No, and neither does Ashley. We've decided to go together as friends, just the two of us like it's been for all of our high school years." A smile tried to find its way through his face, the corner of his mouth started to quirk up, but he held it back.

"And will you go to Noah's after party?" He asked, placing his hand nonchalantly on my knee.

"I will."

"Good, it's always better when you go" he let out, finally allowing the smile to take over his face, taking my breath away as usual.

His words play in my head on repeat as I get ready, knowing very well the effort I'm putting into looking nice has nothing to do with prom, but to what will come next. I can't help but ask though, what's the point if, in the end, my sister is the one getting the guy.

This year's dress is black, chosen by me and for me. I was feeling beautiful last year, but now I'm feeling like myself, which Josh has taught me is even better. I do my own makeup as well, making myself look pretty without becoming another person, like Venus did when she took care of this matter.

I meet Ashley at her house and drive us, Jake's mixtape keeping us company the whole time, making my mind wander to him and my skin feel his touch. I shiver, a bit startle with the idea of him having this much power even from afar.

It's good being here with Ash, it's the first time we actually have a good time being surrounded by all of the other school people. We had to come together, there was no way we were coming with someone who completely ignored our existence for four years. It was us the whole time, it wouldn't be different now.