J & P Book 1 - Say You Need Me

Chapter 10

"I love him..... I love him not.... I love him...... I love him not...."

Jenny was sitting on her bed, all ready for going out, in her new top and favourite short beige skirt. Pulling the petals off the flower that had fallen onto her doorstep, she glanced across at the large bunch, which it had once belonged to, now on her windowsill.

"Flower delivery for Jenny Dunral," the courier had said. The flowers were so beautiful, in her favourite colours, pastel pink and blue. They could have only been from one person.

Becky had stayed in town with Lucia, and Nicky, another of her student friends. Deny had arrived home recently. He had not said anything to her, just grunted. Jenny knew that this was a sign that he had been up to something, but ignored it. She had successfully hidden the flowers from him, and prayed he would not find them. Now she sat staring at the flowers in her bedroom whilst tearing the leaves, gently and sentimentally, from the fugitive flower.

"I love him..... I love him not...."

Yolana had phoned earlier. She had been trying to get in touch with Deny, but he was out at the time. Jenny had told her what she thought of her, for not telling her she was going out with him. Yolana had retorted with, "At least I'm not going out with the sad misfit that you are," and hung up. She might have known Deny would have told her.

Although, she wasn't going out with him. And yet, it seemed to be a universally acknowledged truth that she was. So she might as well, really. But did she want to? That was the question.

"I love him..... I love him not...."

She said this softly to herself whilst thinking about him. He must have sent them to say sorry. But really, he had nothing to be sorry for. It was her who was in the wrong. It was Paul who needed an apology.

She knew that Paul had fallen for her. That much was obvious. And he had to have fallen for her in a big way. There was no way he would have made a move like that if he was not totally certain it was what he wanted. Not after his nervous and tentative display when wooing Claire. She admired his newly found bravery and maturity, and realised that she must have now sent his minimal self-confidence rocketing downhill.

She also knew, after the trouble that she had encountered over the last few years, that she would find it difficult to get into a relationship with Paul, even though she quite wanted to. Would she have freaked out like that if things had gone more smoothly that night at his house? She couldn't be sure. She didn't think so. But she just could not bring herself to kiss him that night. Not in that particular place, anyway. A kiss was too full of memories; memories of another person, probably far away now, but the memories were still too hurtful.

But Paul must feel so hurt. She had not thought of that at the time. He must have thought that she really did not like him in that way. How stupid she had been! This wonderful friendship that they had contrived so quickly over this week was not worth wasting.

As for having her doubts about the note Paul had received, it was a bit of a far-fetched story, but she realised that he must now feel humiliated and rejected by her. Especially since she had been giving out so many positive signals beforehand. She had to phone him. She had to apologise.

As she reached the fraying flower's final petals, it conveyed an important message to her.

"I love him not..... I love him."

She was shocked to hear the phone ring, buzzing violently at her from downstairs. If Deny answered it, which he was bound to do, and it was Paul... Jenny crossed her fingers and hoped that it was not. But something told her that it was not Paul. She relaxed a little.