all the things i cant say out loud.

I wonder

i wonder what people think of me when they see me got the first time. not that i care. just curious. do they see me laughing and assume i'm happy? hm. happy. haven't felt that in a while. do they see me with my headphones on and writing or deep in my thoughts and think i got a lot on my mind? if so, they are correct. so much to say but i cant express it, so i just write. i write, write, and write. existing but not living sums up my life at the moment. i'm here physically but not present. always zoning out. huh? sorry i wasn't listening. i'm alive but i'm not yknow? if you don't i get it, that's fine. i've always known i've had a deeper understanding of things than others. people call me smart, and mature for my age, i call it having experience on things i shouldnt. i try to drown out my thoughts. emotionless. who are you? who am i writing to? i don't know, but it helps for now.