Don't you see?

Two

Jesus,  I hate her so much. Acting like a total diva, not giving a fuck about my life, she only cares about maddie. Well I do to but Jesus I live to!  Like only girls cut, starve themselfs or have a mental illness no guys do to. Well I need to be happy now I don't need to have dinner. And if she comes I'll say no and tell it's because of her. By the way, why would she even come to me to eat? She doesn't care about me remember. Still I'm kind of hungry I haven't eatin' in a week. 

Ohh, i's worth it. trust me just don't eat for a couple of days you'll be fine.

The voices began to talk.

She doesn't give a damn about you. Enjoy of this situation. You are in your room for the rest of the night and they're not going to come. So go to the bathroom and do a favor and self-harm. just a couple of cuts.


"Shut up!" I yelled-whispered. "Goddammit only for you guys sake." i said barely above a whisper.

Good boy. Now cut.


I went to the bathroom and grabbed my razor under the sink. I slowly got in the shower and dragged the razor down my arm. I self-harmed always on the same arm. Should I do the other one? New skin, plenty of place. Or my leg, they wont see it there. So I dragged my blade down my leg cutting a long line of blood. I got calm of this, relaxed, peaceful. I was done and the voices were done shouting, finally. I washed my hair off and cleaned my wrists and leg from the cuts.

Before I knew I was looking in the mirror. Criticizing my body and face, why was I so fat?
I'm happy I didn't eat in 2 weeks. Still I'm fat, time for me to purge i guess.
I got to the toilet stuck my 2 fingers down my throat and started to puke. I was feeling better. I felt a little skinnier. I put my pyjama pants on and a oversized band sweater. I grabbed my phone and looked what the time was. 8.05pm. Normally we would go eat. Are they eating? I'm glad i'm missing it but this confirms they don't give a damn about me. But I said that to fast.
"Luka, come eat." my mom said calmly.
"Naah, i'm not hungry and demetria said I needed to stay in my room for the whole night so no." She knew when i said demetria there was something wrong, becase i hate full names.
"Sweety, what did she said now." my mom asked...caring? But i knew she was faking it so why would i answer.
"Why would i answer you don't carre, do you." I said a little more angry.
"What? I do care about you, believe me." my mom said.
"Whatevs, i'm not coming and i can't come out of my room so please go away now." I said hoping she would leave.
"Okay..." she said soft and quiet through the door.
ugh. Can i just die already?? I got into my bed and scrolled through my twitter and Facebook. Seeing comments saying 'fat' 'ugly' 'pls die' 'Do your family a pleasure and die now.' Well isn't this nice to hear. Maybe i should die. Nobody cares right? Ugh i'm to tired for this shit. So i layed my phone on my nightstand.

Next morning:

"Luka wake up" Maddie yelled while jumping on my bed. "Maddiee please stop!" I said tired as fuck.
"No, i missed you yesterday night. So now i'm gonna talk with you the whole day and play some shitty instruments okay." She said kind of  commanding me to do that with her. "Whatevs maddie. But please go out of my room meanwhile i will get dressed up please." I said still tired, and hoping she would leave. "Okay, you got 5 minutes untill I'm getting in your room." Maddie said and left the room. Ugh, goddamn she is so smart. I got up and grabbed my ripped black skinny jeans and my black low converse with little studs on the back. You ask probably why I choose for my ripped jeans while there is a fresh long scar on my leg. Well they don't see it, just a little but they don't. Now the challeging part. A t-shirt or tank top. I have mostly only ank tops and t-shirts and 2 sweaters. One is now dirty and need to wash of and the other one i just slept in. Well fuck my life i'm screwed. I grabbed my Bring me the horizon tank top and some bracelets. But they didn't covered every one up. Shit and I already used all my bracelets. Think Think.

Write something on it. Yeah, like eumh...Wait i got it, don't forget to make your homework. Yess that will work right?? Just when i put the ballpoint pen on my desk Maddie stormed into my room and said. "Time's up dipshit, ready?!" 
"Mads, you scared the fuck out of me." I said mad at her. When a second later we both burst into laughter. " Okay, so what now?" I asked. "Well, let's eat beakfast." Maddie said and i looked her with big eyes. "what? you didn't ate yesterday so you gotta eat now." Maddie said. 
"Okay..." i said slowly and not feeling well. "Are you okay?" Maddie said. "I think i need to puke." And runned into my bathroom and puked. Maddie walked into my bathroom with big eyes.
 
"What's that on your arm?" She said while I froze.

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[a/n]

hehehe i thought i would leave you guys with a cliffhanger ;) sorry for that XD I hope you guys like it and please share, vote follow, and comment :D  sorry for the wait i had a little writers block. I hope you guys like it bye!!! ***NOT EDITED***
~~Luka