To Zion

11

"You live kinda far away from school." I remarked, as Miller and I made our way to his home the next day.

"Yeah, my mom picks me up sometimes, but she couldn't today. She should be home right around the time that we get there or a little after. I hope that's ok." He (he had told me male pronouns today) turned his head to look at me, and I sent him a smile in return.

"Yeah, it totally fine. I don't really have any reason to hurry home anyways."

Home still didn't quite feel like home to me. I didn't know what to say to my guardians, and the other child living with them was much too young to really get to know. He was cute, but couldn't really hold up his end of a conversation.

I could tell we were almost there when Miller's  hands began trembling. It hurt to see him so nervous, and before I could second guess myself, I grabbed his hand with both of mine.

"Listen, Miller, this is going to work, ok? And if it doesn't, there are other ways for you to get help. The important thing is that you are trying to get help. I will make sure you get it, even if it's not from your mom."

"Zion..." He looked at my eyes, gaze wandering down to my hands that encompassed his.

"Oh!" I pulled my hands away quickly, blood rushing to my cheeks.

"It's ok." He was quick to reassure me, but I shoved my hands in my pockets anyways. "I'm just not used to affection is all. And you...you don't act anything like everyone else in my life."

I just smiled, and nodded awkwardly, never quite sure how to take a compliment. I was saved any further embarrassment when we stopped in front of a little blue house. It was right off of the sidewalk, with cement steps leading up to a dilapidated welcome mat that looked a little out of place in front of an almost intimidating grey door. Or maybe it was just my nervousness twisting my vision.

"Well, here it is." Miller forced the words past the lump I knew just be forming in his throat. God, I was beyond nervous, and I wasn't going to be half as affect as Miller would be.

He lead me up the steps, opening the door, and letting me go in first. Their home seemed...normal. I don't know what I was expecting, but I somehow imagined it would be cold. And I guess I'm some ways it was. As I walked through the living room, there were no pictures of Miller to be found anywhere. Just a few of who i assumed were his mom and grandma.

"Oh, when my mom gets here...she's not gonna call me Miller." He wasn't looking at me, pretending to straighten up the table near the couch I was now sitting on.

"Ok." I smiled encouragingly at him, and when he glanced over at me, he seemed to gain enough confidence to continue.

"She usually just calls me Max. You see...my real name is Maximillian, but it's a little too much for everyday use." He laughed, and I found myself watching the way the corners of his eyes crinkled when he almost closed his eyes. Miller was decidedly cute, but I doubted he wanted to hear that, it would believe me if I told him.

"Max is a little too masculine most days, right?" The look Miller gave me then was so full of emotion that I looked away quickly.

"Exactly." He breathed out, and I heard him shuffling something around on the table. "How do you just understand?" He asked in wonder, and I looked up to find him staring at me, mouth open slightly and eyes full of tears.

"I guess I just try to see things from other people's point of view. Like, if I were you, I wouldn't want to be called Max most days. I'm glad you thought of Miller. It suits you."

This time Miller looked away, tugging at the sleeves of his sweater, and muttering something to himself that I couldn't quite hear. Just then, the front door opened, and a few seconds later, Miller's mom walked in.

She looked both younger and older than he age at the same time. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's what I thought. Her eyes were the tired and weak grey-blue. They were part that made her look older. Besides that, she didn't even look thirty. She barely managed to look old enough to be Miller's mother.

"Mom, this is Zion. You've met him before." Miller told her before she could express her surprise at seeing me in her living room. When she heard my name, her face split into a smile that made her look even younger.

"Oh, I remember you! I didn't know you and Max were friends. I'm Donna, by the way." She held out her hand, and I shook it, trying to hide the way my hands shook.

"Yeah, Miller and I have been friends for a long time." Her eyes narrowed slightly at the name, and I saw Miller looking at his mother nervously.

"Well! Up until now I didn't know he had any friends, so I'm very glad to hear that. Maybe you'll help him break out of whatever solitary bubble he's living in." She shot her son a dissatisfied look that I could tell sunk in.

"If you'll just sit down, that kind of what I wanted to talk to you about." It felt strange asking her to do something in her own house, but I couldn't handle the look on Miller's face anymore.

"Oh...you came to talk to me?" She sat down on the couch facing me, looking at me with incredulous eyes that looked nothing like her sons.

"Yes. You see, since Miller is such a good friend of mine, I'm concerned about his wellbeing."

"What do you mean?" Her time was suddenly sharp, and I didn't feel quite as welcome as before. I kept going anyways.

"Well, he missed a lot of school last week, and I just found out why. Miller means a lot to me, and the thought of losing him is not even worth thinking about."

"Then I'd advise you to not think about it. Maximillian is looking for attention, and that is all. As his friend, you must have seen this character flaw years ago. There is nothing wrong with him, except that he's a failure and can't face up to it. I appreciate your concern, but it is ill founded."

As she spoke, I felt my hands clench on my lap. Miller's crushed face caused my heart to burn with an anger I didn't know I was capable of.

"Maybe he is looking for some attention, seeing as the very person who should love him unconditionally doesn't give a shit about him or his life! Maybe he does just want your love, but believe me, that is not why he despaired and he tried to take his life. No, that was because for his entire life, he's had to deal with the guilt and blame that belongs to someone else. I'm sorry you've been hurt. I really am. But you have no right to hurt your son the way you have. I came here to ask you to help him, but I see now that that was an error on my part. It won't happen again."

I had stood up from the couch at this point, looking down at the woman who showed no remorse at my words. Without thinking, I grabbed Miller's hand, and rushed towards the door.

"C'mon, Miller." I ordered him when he stopped to look back at his mom. He hesitated for a second, but turned, and followed me out of his house.