To Zion

21

"Well? Who is it?"

Cooper shifted uncomfortably in his chair, his eyes never meeting mine.

"C'mon, Cooper, you're making me nervous." I forced out a laugh, trying to lighten the mood, but neither of their expressions changed in the slightest.

"You—I...there isn't one." He whispered the last three words, but I heard them just the same.

"What?" I breathed out, staring at him in wonder.

"You don't have a secret admirer who's been writing those letters. They—let me explain, Zion!"

I had stood up quickly while he talked, and he was looking at me in alarm.

"Alright, explain. I'm listening." I walked a few feet away from them, trying to realize what he was saying.

"Well...you see...Laurie and Miller are friends." I looked up at him, wondering where this was going, and his expression pleaded for me not to interrupt. "And Miller got to talking to Laurie about how much they liked you."

"So Miller wrote them? They told me—"

"No, Zion, listen." He was twisting his hands in his lap, looking as if the worst had still yet to be said.

"Okay, get to the point." I felt my irritation growing. What the hell was he getting at?

"I'm trying. So, at that time, Laurie and I were already dating, but we had to keep it a secret. One time I was on the phone with him and he kept getting these texts from Miller, so I asked him what the big deal was, and Laurie said it was just Miller talking about his—their crush.  I didn't ask who it was because that wasn't my business, but eventually Laurie said something about you, and I was like 'no fucking way! Zion is totally into Miller."

I started to protest, but Cooper kept talking.

"Even if you didn't really realize it, you talked about them a lot and totally stared so...I drew some logical conclusions. So then...I don't even know how or when this came up...we decided that being the friends we were, we'd try to set you guys up."

"Cooper..." I was shaking my head over and over again. This can't be what happened. This can't mean what I think it means.

"Because Laurie and I were so sure that Miller would never work up the nerve to talk to you, because they think they aren't deserving of love or some bullshit like that, but they had talked to Laurie so many times about you. Laurie knew exactly what they would say to you if they had a chance."

He was talking rapidly, cutting me off every time I tried to talk. He knew he didn't have much time left to explain.

"But don't blame Laurie! It was just idea. I...I never expected it to go this far. I thought you'd read the first note and know for sure who was writing it. It sounded so much like Miller. I tried to point out other people, like Taylor, hoping you would jump to the natural conclusion...maybe it wasn't so natural...I knew the plan so it seemed natural to me. I thought...i don't know what I thought. I thought that you'd read it and realize your feeling for Miller, and then you'd admit it to them, and then you'd ride off into the sunset. I wasn't trying to—"

"So this whole time, you were just fucking with me?" I'd never heard my own voice sound so unnaturally calm. It was almost unrecognizable.

"Zion, I—" He stood up, trying to defend himself, but I turned away from him. I couldn't look at him.

"This whole time when I was trying to figure it out. And when I told you that Miller kissed me. Why didn't you tell me then? And when I kept talking to you about it. Kept telling you how confused I was..."

I let out a deep breath through my nostrils, trying to control my mounting anger. I'd never been so angry in all of my life.

"And then when I was telling you how awful I felt about hurting people because of my confusion, you just...you stood by and watched me make a complete and utter fool of myself. Pining away for someone who didn't even exist, and ruining perfectly good friendships. Fuck! Do you know how stupid I feel?" My voice had grown to a full on yell but the time I finished my rant, turning around to see their frightened faces.

"Zion, I'm sorry. I went too far. I should have—"

"I guess you pranked me good, didn't you? Is that what you both wanted? Has my confusion and misery been giving you amusement when you're alone together? Is that what this was? Just an experiment to see how far you could take me in?"

"Zion-" It was Laurie this time, but I didn't want to listen to either of them.

"Well, congratulations! You've done it! You've taken an idiot and led him along until he feels like the stupidest person in the world. Couldn't have been that hard though. Everyone knows I'm slow on the uptake. I just didn't expect my best friend to take advantage of that."

Cooper's eyes fell, and it was only then that I felt my face streaked in tears. Never in my life had I felt more betrayed. I was such an idiot. To think that I thought I loved the person writing these letters...and they didn't even exist...

"Go. Just go home. I can't talk to either of you right now. If you have more to say, I suggest you keep it to yourself until I can look at your face without yelling."

They hurried out of my room, neither of them saying a word to each other or to me.

When I was finally alone, I fell back onto my bed, closing my eyes and trying to understand what I had just heard. Was I really that pathetic? Had I really ruined two good chances at a relationship just because of some dumb prank?

This was not...not at all what I expected the reveal of the admirer to be. I imagined some storybook—never mind what I imagined. I closed my eyes, felt the hot, angry tears pour down my temples, and wished to god that I'd never been hit by that stupid paper airplane.

On impulse, I jumped out of my bed, pulled the top drawer of my dresser open, and took out all of the paper airplanes that I had so carefully placed in there. I stared down at them, their wings blurry through my tears. All of my stupid dreams crumbled like the first plane in my fist.

I remembered the lines that made me think twice about my freckles and my hazel eyes...maybe that's really what Miller would have said...but right now, they felt like empty words. No, not empty. Words filled with lies and deception. Just some stupid prank to make me think someone actually liked me.

By the time I was done crying, all that remained of the airplanes were scattered fragments of paper, strewn across my floor.