To Zion

19

"Cooper, I've been such an idiot."

Cooper just smiled, as if what I just said was the most obvious thing in the world.

"I know, Zee. I wasn't really that upset. But I did hope you'd come talk to me sooner. It's been, like, a week, yeah?" He adjusted his glasses, looking over at me. We were sitting on a bench outside of school, and it felt good to be sitting by my best friend again.

"I'm a stubborn asshole. I'm sorry."

"Hey, you're not really an asshole. You're the nicest guy I know. You are stubborn, and sometimes you're just really, really stupid, but that kinda just makes you human."

"Cooper, I'm trying to apologize here."

"Oh yeah, apology accepted. You're still invited to my slumber party tomorrow next week."

I'd completely forgotten about his party, and his birthday.

"Oh! Right. I forgot about that."

"I can tell." He laughed, and I felt myself smiling too. I can't believe I'd lasted a week not talking to him.

"Is there something else you wanted to talk about?" Cooper read me so well, there was no point in hiding what I was thinking from him.

"I just feel like...like I keep hurting people and I don't know what to do. All the people I've hurt are people I really like. I feel like such a jerk."

"Zion," He sighed. "I know I was blaming you for not liking Miller, but that's really not your fault." He put his hand in my knee, trying to reassure me, but it wasn't working. There was too much bottled up inside me for me to just be okay with how i had been acting recently. "You're not a jerk. You're—"

"But I am! And this whole secret admirer thing is just messing with me. I've been such a dick to Miller, and now to Jason. If I hadn't gotten those letters, would I have said no to Miller? Or Jason? Instead, I'm obsessing over someone who could just be playing an awful trick on me, and I want it to stop. I want whoever it is to just come out and tell me, or leave me the fuck alone."

Cooper looked at me in surprise. I hardly ever swore. And then, his eyebrows drew together in confusion.

"Jason?"

And then I was telling him everything that happened over the course of this last week. And by the end of it, I was in tears, angrily telling him I just wanted this all to end.

"Zion, I need to—" He was cut off by the sound of his phone ringing. Shooting me an apologetic look, he pulled it out of his pocket, face changing suddenly when he read who the caller was.

"I need to take this. I'll be right back." I watched him walk away quickly, confused as to who he could be talking to, and why I couldn't hear.

I watched him pace while he talked on the phone, his whole demeanor suddenly very tense. Whatever he was hearing on the phone was obviously very upsetting, and curiosity raged inside of me. When his phone called ended, he walked back towards me quickly.

"Zion, I need to go, like, right now, but I do need to tell you something, so I'll call you later? Or maybe I'll just come to your house. Just, I'll stay in touch, okay?" His sentences ran together as he scrambled to collect his things, heading back towards the school before I had a chance to answer him.

What the hell was going on?

"Hey, Zion." I turned at the sound of his voice, surprised that he would be walking in my direction, since his house was nowhere near mine.

"Jason." I tried to smile at him, but guilt made it more of a frightened twitch in my lip. He was fixing me with a genuine smile, and it hurt to see it, knowing that he really was upset.

"I just wanted to..." He looked around awkwardly, hands stuffed in his pockets, tall frame stooped slightly to talk to me easier. "To apologize."

"What?" I was genuinely so stunned that I turned around completely to face him, searching his eyes for an explanation of his words.

"I feel like I just made that whole situation so awkward, and I—I should have asked you what you thought about me first, before I just kissed you, and—"

"Jason," I held my hand up to silence him. "Jason, no. You didn't make it awkward. I did. I—"

"You told me what you were thinking and I appreciate that. I mean, shit, it hurt, but at least you didn't just try to make me happy, you know?" He kicked a rock on the ground, looking up at me with a soft smile on his lips.

"Yeah, I know. My reason for turning you down is so stupid though." I confessed and he laughed quietly.

"Well, is you ever reconsider, you know where I live." I barely caught the small wink he sent me before he was turning around and heading back towards school. I watched him for a few seconds, not wanting to leave things there. Wanting him to know how grateful I was to him for taking it all so well.

He was only a little ways down the sidewalk when I caught up with him, calling out his name when I almost reached him, so that he had time to turn around before I wrapped my arms around him.

"Thank you. Thank you so much more not being mad at me. And I hope we can still be friends and study together, and do all those things we planned. Oh!" I pulled away from him quickly, struck by a thought. "Unless you want me to leave you alone now. I totally understand, and I—"

"Zion, I don't want you to leave me alone. Friends sounds good." He smiled, and I felt my heart flip at how sweet his smile was. Acting on an impulse, I stood on my tiptoes, and kissed the dimple in his cheek.

"You're amazing, Jason. I'm glad to have a friend like you."

"Zi, you're gonna make me cry if you don't stop being so cute." He pushed me away, very gently, and pushed my unruly hair out of my face. "I hope you find that secret admirer of yours. Whoever it is better treat you right."

He cleared his throat, and looked away quickly. I opened my mouth to say something, but he had already stepped away from me, turning to head back towards school.

"I'll see you around, Zion."