To Zion

15

I wanted to be there when Cooper told Miller the plan he and his mother had worked out. She had been completely on board with the idea as soon as Cooper explained their situation, and even went as far as asking Miller's mother if they could come stay with Cooper for a while.

Miller was speechless with wonder and gratitude, their eyes filling with tears that wouldn't fall, but kept coming back throughout the day. I caught their eyes a few times during classes, and they were always shiny with tears. They thanked Cooper over and over again, but Cooper kept playing it off like it was nothing.

But it wasn't. It was everything to Miller. It was a second chance. A chance to heal away from the issues that had broken him in the first place.

"And I know Zion would love to come help you pack." The bell had just rung, and we were grouped around Cooper's desk. "When you're all ready, my mom and I will come pick you up. If that's okay with you?"

"Is that okay? That sounds amazing. Zion, pinch me. This can't be real."

"It's real, Miller." I smiled at them, but they didn't look convinced.

"Then why won't you pinch me?"

Truth be told, I was nervous about touching them. I didn't want to initiate any contact until I was sure of my feelings. I didn't want to lead them on.

"Look it's real, okay?" Cooper leaned over and pinched their hand. Miller flinched, but stared down at his hand in wonder.

"It's real. This is real." Their eyes filled with tears again.

"Yeah, but you're gonna have to share a room with me. Sorry."  Cooper looked apologetic, but Miller was beaming at him.

"Oh, I don't mind. Sorry if my being there is annoying. If you're used to having your own room, it might be—"

"It was my idea for you to move in there with me, so I don't want to hear any apologies about it. Oh, by the way," Cooper shot me a hesitant glance, before looking back at Miller. "What are your pronouns?"

That's when Miller let their first tears fall. Cooper apologized immediately, but Miller quickly shook their head.

"No, no, don't be sorry. My pronouns are he/him. Don't be sorry. I'm just crying because I'm overwhelmed by your kindness." He pulled Cooper into a hug, and I saw Cooper smile against his shoulder.

"Well, if you're going to be living with me, I want to stay updated on your pronouns."

I walked home with Miller to help him pack. He couldn't stop talking about how kind Cooper was. I just smiled at him, happy that he was so happy.

"Oh, Cooper will probably tell you, but his mom has already talked to the school counselor, and they are working at a plan for you to get the help you were asking for. I hope you don't mind that I told Cooper about your reason for wanting to leave home."

"Mind? You've been an angel to me, Zion. I could never mind." His eyes met mine for a brief moment, but I looked away quickly. Now was the time to ask him about the letters, but when I opened my mouth, I couldn't form the words. Miller was the first to break the short silence that fell between us.

"What's Cooper like? I've only talked to him a few times besides this."

For the rest of the walk we talked about Cooper. I told him about Cooper's fascination with languages and math. About how sometimes it seemed like his brain was working so fast that his mouth could hardly keep up with his thoughts. He was passionate, stubborn, and the best friend I had ever had. And sometimes, he was a total idiot.

"Sounds like we are going to get along just fine. You describe people very well."

He smiled at me, and I felt myself blushing under his praise.

"So, what about you?"

"Me?" I asked in surprise, and Miller let out a short laugh.

"Yes, you. You've described your best friend so well, and know I want to know about you. What makes Zion who he is? Why do you care about people so much?"

"Well..." I kicked at the ground while I walked, unknowingly slowing our pace. "There's not much to tell. I'm kind of boring, really."

Miller let out a short bark of laughter. I looked over at him quickly. His profile was nothing short of beautiful. I never failed to be amazed at the beauty of human beings.

"I would tell you to stop being modest, but I think you actually believe that. If you can't think of anything to tell me about yourself, at least tell me what it is that makes you so understanding of everyone."

I didn't answer him right away, not sure how to go about something I'd never really put much thought into. It was strange to be explaining yourself to someone.

"Well...I guess you could say you had it rough for a while. With my dad, and then foster care..." I saw the questions in Miller's eyes, but knowing I couldn't talk about it more than that, I kept talking.

"You meet all kinds of people in foster care. Some are nice. Some have had it way worse than me. I guess I just got to thinking one day, and figured, I'd could either spend my whole life bitter and angry, or I could try to make something of my life. Prove to my dad, if I ever saw him again, that the apple didn't always have to fall close to the tree. And mostly, I just like people. And I want them to like me."

I sent him a quick smile, and I saw his mouth open, eyes full of sympathy.

"Nope! I don't do the whole "feel bad for Zion" thing. I'm happy. Life is working out better than I could ever have expected."

We had stopped walking now, and Miller was standing close to me, looking into my eyes with what i could only read as affection. And it frightened me just a little. I still didn't know how I felt about him. I still had so much to work out.

"You're so precious. How did I ever meet someone like you?" His voice was low, almost a whisper, his hands barely brushing against mine.

I may not have known my feelings yet, but I felt myself blushing.

"I don't think someone as cute as you can call me precious."

Now it was Miller's turn to blush, his cheeks turning the cutest rose possible.

Damn it, Zion! You don't flirt with someone who you might not even like. What about the secret admirer?

"Zion..." He stepped closer. I knew what he was going to ask. What I would probably let him do.

"Wait, Miller." I brought my finger up to his lips, effectively silencing him. "I have to ask you something first."

He nodded for me to continue. I took a deep breath, trying to calm the nerves swirling in my stomach. What's the worst that could happen? He says he isn't the secret admirer? I told myself to expect that, but I couldn't help the anxiety that almost kept me from speaking. No matter what I told myself, most of me thought Miller was the one writing me those notes.

"Miller...have you been writing me letters?"

———————-

- c