Oracle Of The Moon

Little one -Lucy's POV

I felt cold. I felt cold and empty.

At first, I was crushed; totally and completely. It was like their unacceptance was too much for me to bear on top of everything else that I had already been through. The weight of them not wanting me in their pack had smushed what little spirit and will I had left. I had been beaten down for so long in my life that I had no fight left to give.

I wasn't asking for much; a chance was all I wanted. But who was I to argue with them? They already knew that I wasn't Luna material. I wasn't enough... I never would be.

Who was I kidding? Even entertaining the idea of being Kale's mate was laughable. Kale was right... I was just fucking crazy. The Moon Goddess talking to me? I was actually just mentally unstable, it seemed. Maybe the abuse that I had endured my whole life finally caught up to me and I created illusions in my head. I was a crazy person; not a Luna.

"Lucy," Kale knocked on the door softly trying to get me to come out.

It had been like that for a week. I couldn't come out though. I'd have to face people if I came out. In my room, I was safe. Safe from ridicule, safe from the stares, safe from the hurt. In my room, I could just be numb. Out there I was forced to confront and feel their unacceptance. I didn't want to feel anything anymore.

Kale opened the door after several more knocks. I hid under the covers. It had been like that for the past week too. The day after the pack dinner when I hadn't come out for breakfast or training, he forced his way into my room. I always hid from him like the coward that I am.

I couldn't face him. How was I supposed to when I knew how big of a fraud I was? I had told him that I was his mate, but all I continuously felt like was a not good enough slave girl. I wasn't worthy of him or his pack. I didn't deserve them. Practically anybody except me would be better and more suited for them... Anyone but me.

"Luce, come on..." His voice was strained, and I felt awful for letting it get this far. He cared about me even though I didn't even deserve it. I didn't deserve him or them. "Luce, please... Please come out. I-I..." He sighed and sat on my bed.

I burrowed further into my blankets.

Usually, he'd just say a few words once he got into my room and then left, so I was confused by his actions. I could hear the sheer rawness in his voice. He was practically begging me to come out. Alphas don't beg... ever.

I wanted to come out. I wanted to see him. But I knew that If I saw him then I'd feel something; I didn't want to feel anything. If I felt the happiness of seeing him, I'd eventually have to feel the sadness of him leaving me because of who I am. I didn't want the sadness.

He let out a long sigh. I could feel his whole body sag in exhaustion. I felt awful for causing him all of this. I wasn't worth this feeling in him.

"Lucy... I-I'm so lost without you. I hate this." His voice broke and tears immediately fell out of my eyes involuntarily.

I couldn't handle this. My wolf-side just wanted to go to him and bask in his attention and let him make me feel better, but I knew the pain that it would cause as soon as he figured out what the rest of his pack already knew... After he rejected me. I didn't want to hurt anymore.

"I told myself to not get attached to you... I couldn't help it though. Everything about you feels like it was made for me, Lucy. I don't know if you are for real my mate, Luce, but I fucking need you. And that scares the hell out of me." I felt him shift on my bed and turn towards my form. "I can feel some of your hurt through the bond, Luce. It's tearing me apart. I can only imagine how you are feeling if I'm feeling this much just from the bleed through. I don't know how you are coping even a little bit."