A Song to Come Home to

Chapter Three

Rei stays still, her eyes not leaving the photo of Touya. Her mind feels as if it had been frozen and she has no idea how to process anything anymore. She had been so happy to see just a glimpse of her eldest that she hadn't actually taken the time to figure out why exactly she was seeing the ghost of her son nor why he was being taken to the hospital.

Now she understands. There's no denying the pain of a mother's heartache and mourning, Rei knows this above anything. She had been there at Touya's funeral and there had been nothing to even mourn over. Enji had told them that the fire had left nothing but sparse ashes. She had lost her eldest, her baby boy, her little bean in that cruel fire that her husband had claimed to be an accident.

Just a short time after the funeral of Touya, she had burned Shouto. Still looking at Shouto gives her a pang of regret that twists within her stomach. She had hurt her Shouto... she had done what her husband had done- yet her loss of clarity shows as a permanent scar while Enji's abuse came in forms of bruising and mental scarring that no one can ever see.

Her regret as a mother is how truly weak she had been. She had failed every one of her children in one form or another. She couldn't protect Touya from a monster that came in the form of fire, she had used Fuyumi as nothing more than a mental punching bag out of her own frustrations, fears and pain. Natsuo had always been pushed aside and forgotten about, he had served nothing more than another pretty face to add to the false happy and perfect family image. She had stood to the side as Enji had trained Shouto to the brink of his own breakages.

Rei was so weak. Even now, she's still weak. She remains locked away, her voice taken away so she can't scream the truth of the horrors that had happened behind closed doors and in the dark. She will remain hidden away for the rest of her life and she doesn't even try to fight for her own freedom. In her mind, Rei knows that this is her retribution for her weakness and failings as a mother.

To see her children still visit her fills her with even more guilt, like the blade of a knife embedded into her gut being twisted with every one of their visits. A mother sees all and there's no way that she misses the sad look in each of their eyes.

A mother's job is to protect. A job that she had royally failed.

Yet, they continue to visit with her, they send her letters and gifts. Most of all, they have told her that she had done nothing wrong and that they love her. That serves as the salt rubbed into her gaping and unhealed wounds. She had been so cruel, weak and selfish and through all of that, they still love her... forgive her.

Watching the live conference with Fuyumi and Natsuo, hearing about who Touya had become as an adult as Dabi and what Dabi had done. Seeing his scarred face being hardly held together with medical staples and the empty look in his eyes... that hurts Rei far more than anything else in the world. She had finally seen the full extent of the damage done. She had seen the twisted version of Touya and had seen how there's no light in his dulled turquoise eyes.

Touya had paid the price for her own failings.

Her heart continues to weakly beat, reminding her that she's still alive. As it stutters within her chest, she knows that somewhere in this hospital- her son is still alive. A son that she had mourned with all of her being every day since that accident. To know that he's still alive as Dabi gives her some sort of hope. No matter how selfish it is and no matter how disgusted she feels at herself for her failure- she needs to see him again.

Rei stands up, looking at her closed door and sighs- wishing more than anything to see him come strolling through that door. She knows how ridiculous she sounds and in her heart, she knows that her son would never want to see her again. That alone is enough to make her sit back down.

No matter how much she wants to run to him, to hug him and to cry and to tell him how much she has loved and missed him. To reassure him that even after all that he had done, she will always love him because at the end of the day- he is still her little bean. She has to stay strong though, she knows that he would reject her. Rei has to tell herself that the simple fact that knowing that he's still alive is far more than what she deserves.

She reaches for his photo again and has to blink away the tears forming at the corners of her eyes. This new burden weighs heavily around her neck and she can't help but to feel as if she's bending and being shaped like malleable clay. She will never snap and break ever again but that still doesn't quell the pain in her heart. Rei will continue to keep her distance and never approach her son. She doesn't deserve to have him in her life anymore because who would even want a weak and selfish mother like her in their lives?

A mother's love knows no boundaries and that hurts the most.

-

Dabi's eyes crack open when he sees the door to his room open. He doesn't move or even bother to speak as a doctor files in with a couple of orderlies in case he acts out and needs to be restrained. Dabi begrudgingly has to commend them, someone had finally decided to remember exactly who he is and exactly how dangerous he is. Though he doesn't voice his thoughts, he knows that they won't care one way or another. They're here for their job just as much as his job was what landed him here to begin with.

Eyeing the doctor and the orderlies, he pretends to lunge at them and smiles when one of the orderlies flinches backwards.

"Good morning, Dabi, I'm Doctor Mori and I'll be your doctor during your stay here at Musutafu Private Psychiatric Hospital." There's a glint in the doctor's eyes that Dabi doesn't like but he keeps quiet for now. He begrudgingly listens to Doctor Mori continue to prattle on about Dabi's results in the mental screenings that he had been forced to partake in. All of what Doctor Mori says, however, goes in one ear and out the other. He doesn't want to listen to it, his mind can't stray from the iron tight grip that the quirk inhibitors have around his thin wrists. Since having his fire taken away, Dabi has been feeling so cold. He had grown far too used to the fiery heat that had pooled in the core of his very being. Now with all of that taken away, he's left shivering.

"Really, Dabi. You should be more... invested in the outcome of your future. I'd appreciate if you would pay attention to what I'm saying." Doctor Mori sighs as he reorganizes his reports. Dabi's eyes don't leave the papers being constantly shifted and leafed through, irritation bubbles up in his chest. Doctor Mori's inability to sit still is grating on his nerves, reminding him of a certain figity hero. Dabi looks away from the papers and up to the doctor as he rolls his eyes. Leaning back in the chair, he lifts up his hands and rattles the quirk inhibitors at Doctor Mori with a wry grin.

"Tell me doctor, do I look like a rich man?" 

Doctor Mori's thin eyebrows shoot up in curiosity. Dabi watches as the doctor leans forward and readjusts his glasses as if to get a better look at him. Dabi feels sick being under Doctor Mori's gaze, he feels nothing more than some sort of grotesque science experiment gone wrong. Not for the first time since being here, he feels unadulterated rage boil in his heart in place of his absent hellfire.

"Pardon? I'm not sure if I follow." 

Dabi's hands limply fall back into his lap, they clink softly in the quiet room. He turns his head to look out the window just behind the doctor and his orderlies, he catches sight of his own reflection. Pale and far too skinny. Tired eyes that have seen far too much for his short life stare back at him before he blinks and looks back to Doctor Mori.

"Doctor Mori, the future is a luxury only the rich can afford. My future means nothing to me because there's nothing I can do." Dabi allows a thin smile that pulls at his sutures and tugging his skin taunt. "Other people have control over my life, I'm just here for the ride." He says simply, eyes flicking back to the window.

No matter how much Doctor Mori tries to get him to speak, Dabi stays quiet. He watches two small sparrows hop along the window sill. One of them spreads its wings and flies off into the grey and blustery cold sky. Dabi can't help but to wonder why the other sparrow doesn't fly away as well. He feels as if the now lone bird is a fool, until he spies the crooked wing. Now all Dabi can feel is the crashing waves of sympathy for the small bird. Both him and the bird were meant to be free and yet, they're both doomed to stay here for the rest of their lives.

Two souls fated to fade away until their names are erased and their spirits roam the earth with nothing but their sorrow to keep them company.