If I can't have you

Chapter 5

Levi felt numb. It been only an hour since Taryn had received that fateful text and he had raced to the hospital. An hour since he saw the love of his life getting wheeled towards an OR looking lifeless. A hour since he had felt the most terrifying emotion he had felt in all of his twenty six years. The fear of losing a loved one. He wasn't prepared for being the strong one in their relationship, both physically and mentally.

But the overriding feeling was guilt. Guilt that he wasn't there when his boyfriend had needed him. That when Nico had looked for someone to hold his hand and tell him that everything would be okay, he was sleeping away in his boyfriend's bed without a care in the world. This guilt dominated his thoughts, tuning out anyone who tried to comfort him. He didn't need comforting. He hadn't been the one to suddenly start to seize. But no one seemed to understand.

He'd been staring at the swirling pattern of the floor for at least 10 minutes when he felt something hot being pressed into his hand and his other hand coming up automatically to secure it. He glanced at the object in his hand to reveal a steaming cup of hot chocolate and then his eyes shifted to the person who had placed it in his hands. An exhausted looking Atticus Lincoln was looking at him with a ghost of a small smile. Levi returned the smile before shifting his gaze back to the floor and taking a small sip of the hot chocolate, taking care to not burn his tongue. He barely registered Link's voice as he started to speak.

'Levi, it's not your fault. You need to realise that.'

Levi let out a short of disgust and let out a undignified response of 'Yeah right '.

Link sighed. He knew Levi could be a stubborn man when he wanted to be, it was one of the features that he and Nico shared. Link sent a quick thanks to which ever god had been responsible for placing him for a year with one of the most stubborn men known to man kind before crouching down in front of Levi. Levi's bespectacled eyes came up to meet his and Link noticed with a sinking feeling in his gut that the spark that usually had such a prominent place in those eyes seemed to have gone out.

'Levi Schmitt. There is plenty of opportunities for you to sit around and feel sorry for yourself but I'll be cold in my grave before I allow you to feel sorry right now.' Link could feel Levi's confused gaze gouging a hole in his skull but he kept on speaking. 'You need to realise that Nico would have had that seizure whether you were there or not. And I'm sure Amelia will tell you this later but even if you had been there, you couldn't have done anything to stop it. Hell, if Amelia had been there, she couldn't have stopped it and she's the head of neuro. So you can do Nico a favour by kicking his ass for me when he gets back from surgery for me okay?'

Levi have a small nod of the head in response, scared that if he used words, his body would betray him and he would break down even more than he had already over the last few days. Thankfully, Link seemed to understand without Levi and stood up from his crouching position in front of him, sat in the seat next to him and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him into his chest. Levi responded by taking a shuddering breath and nuzzling into Links chest.

They had only been sitting like this for what felt like a few minutes but in reality was nearly two hours. During that time, both Levi and Link had been almost comatose, barely noticing if someone walked past. The only movement that came from either of them was when the elevator doors would open and both figures would snap to attention, their faces making it clear as to who they were waiting for. But each time, they would sink back into their chairs and wait for the elevator.

Eventually, their prayers were answered and as the elevator doors rolled open, Amelia stepped out followed by a team of nurses rolling Nico out of the confined space. Amelia stepped towards the both of them and opened her mouth to begin speaking when she was suddenly drowned out by the sound of a group of angry people. They all turned towards the sound of the noise to find a situation that would have been funny under different circumstances. A pack of people was striding towards them headed by a tall Korean man and an almost equally tall female that Levi thought was European. Following this group was a flustered looking Miranda Bailey and a concerned looking Alex Karev. The pack reached Amelia, Link and Levi and the woman tapped ours sharp 'Are you Amelia Shepard?' All Amelia could do was nod her head while maintaining a stunned expression on her face.

'Excellent,' the woman said, seemingly failing to notice Amelia's expression. 'We are looking for information about one of your patients that I believe you have just operated on. He's our son, Nico Kim.'

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Amelia had been the first to recover from the initial shock. That was one of the only things that Levi would recall when he looked back at this day. She had immediately jumped into action and hustled the family along to a private room to explain and calling back to Link to come and join them.

Levi just stood there, shock and horror clearly evident in his expression as Alex moved into his line of vision with a concerned look on his face. 'Did you ring them?' Levi whispered, clearly too low for Alex as a blank look was displayed on his face. He repeated it, louder and with anger seeping into his tone and Alex nodded. Levi noticed that he had the decency to look ashamed of himself.

'Why?'

'What the hell do you mean why? Schmitt, as much as it must hurt you to hear, you are not his family. We have a duty of care to Nico as well as you and we had a duty to inform the family of what happened.' Alex stated, arms across his chest, daring Levi to challenge him.

Levi gulped and replied, 'I meant, why did you call them. Surely it should have been me. I mean I am his boyfriend. It surely would have sounded better coming from me rather than you.'

Alex sighed heavily and Levi could see the answer forming in his head as he opened his mouth. 'Schmitt, I honestly appreciate what you just said, but it's been almost a week and you made no move to try and contact the family not did you give any indication that you were planning to. What the hell were we supposed to think? That Nico would make a miraculous recovery and be out of here in a month without his own family knowing. I'm sorry Levi but the seizure means that Nico can be classed as not being medically fit to make his own decisions regarding his health.' It was at this point that Levi opened his mouth to protest but Alex gave him no such opportunity, choosing instead to plow on with what he was saying. 'I know exactly what your about to say Schmitt, and clearly your not in the best state of mind to be doing any such decisions for Nico. Because if you were thinking straight, you would remember that hospital policy states that Nico would have to formerly declare you as his next of kin but since you are not married and Nico has yet to declare you as his next of kin I'm afraid any medical decision regarding Nico will have to be made through his family. Do i make myself clear?'

Levi nodded meekly, while attempting to blink back tears, not wanting to appear weak in front of Alex. Muttering a small apology to Alex, he darted off towards the toilets before tears started to stream down his face. He didn't know why it was such a big deal for him that Nico's family had come. It had been completely illogical if they hadn't been called considering the lack of Nico's next of kin in the area but the thought of someone other than him caring for Nico made his heart clench. It was selfish, he knew, but he would have to swallow his pride and accept what was happening.

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Min-jun couldn't quite believe it. His little brother who never stopped moving, who you could hear coming from a mile away, was lying still in a hospital bed looking pathetically broken. He was hooked up to machines, half of which he didn't know the function of and they made his giant six foot one brother look like a child.

'God I don't think I've ever known a time where he's been this quiet before ' Min-Jee whispered.

'There was that time he was experimenting with different types of glue, decided to taste test them and glued his mouth shut instead,' Min-jun replied, watching his older sisters eyes light up as she laughed at the memory.

'That's very true. God, did I enjoy that half hour.'

They were interrupted by a crashing sound outside in the corridor and watched as a young man stumbled into the room, red as a tomato and pushing his glasses up his face embarrassingly.

'Who the hell are you?'

'I'm Dr Schmitt, one of the doctors here.'

'If your looking for one of your superiors, they're talking to our parents in one of the conference rooms.

'Oh no, no. I'm actually just off duty at the moment,'

'Why are you here then,' Min-jee replied, suspicion clear in her voice.

'I'm Levi.... His boyfriend.'

'I'm sorry then. I think you have the wrong room. Our brother has a girlfriend