Behind Closed Doors |BNHA|

\\Helping Hand|4//

Etzumi was ashamed. She allowed herself to break. She allowed herself to become a problem for others- the exact opposite of what she wanted to do - she was so afraid that her teacher would look further into it, and really he should have done but instead, he brushed it off as being because of her past. Granted it mostly was, he should have known it would have a lasting effect but he was so wrapped up in the kidnapping of one of his students, everything else took a back seat in his mind.

Now it was 3 am, she sat on her bed rocking back and forth, determined to keep herself from doing something stupid and breaking any promises she had made. She breathed deep - 4 in, held for 8, out for 7. repeating this process until the tightness in her chest quelled or at least lessened to a manageable point. 

Then she was up, wrapping her arms around herself as she silently left her room. she knew she was going to feel bad for this, she was already feeling bad about this but pushed onwards. she rose her hand up to the door before hesitating, taking another deep breath and knocking on the door, hoping she wouldn't wake the person on the other side."Izuku, are you still awake?"

She was quite surprised when the door opened slightly and her green-haired friend looked at her with exhausted eyes. "Zumi? are you okay?" his voice seemed strained but his face showed the concern he wanted to show. "I....could not sleep...sorry to bother you" she sighed as he opened the door further letting her inside. before he could reply is continued. "but how are you, you look exhausted, what's on your mind Izu?" she took a seat next to him on his bed as she released a long sigh. 

"I'm.." he took a minute to think before restarting his sentence. "I've been better" he admitted "you?" he retorted her question with a small smile. "not doing great - memories" she sighed. "Katsuki"  he added to the conversation. "I wish I could have saved him - the fear in his eyes and the desperateness of his voice as he told me to stay away... I can't stop seeing it" tears brimmed in the boy's green eyes.

The two continued to talk, hash out what was on their minds both feeling very thankful for each other's company. Etzumi shared her experiences, for once being the one to help someone else, she shared how she coped with the loss of the parents, granted the situations are different but there are elements that cross over and help out in similar situations. 

"I just wish I could do something to help..." the heaviness of the hurt in her friend's voice caused Etzumi's heart to ache, she understood the feelings he held towards himself as she had and still does hold the same feelings towards herself. She hated seeing someone she held dear go through a lot of the same feelings she did when she lost her parents. He's holding himself accountable, focusing on what he should have done rather than the good he had done for everyone else.  

Etzumi feels the exact same, she still holds herself accountable for Asuka being in the hospital, she didn't act quickly enough, she was slow. hesitant.....Scared.
She stopped what she was saying mid-sentence as she lost her train of thought. "Zumi?" Izuku's voice broke through her daze. 

"I was scared." She breathed out in realization. Izuku made a noise of confusion, unable to talk before Etzumi continued.  "You are scared. that's why you blame yourself, you don't find yourself as good enough, you should have acted fast, should have hesitated less" his face dropped. "but that is okay" she smiled through the tears brimming in her eyes. "It's okay to question your actions but it isn't okay to blame yourself for something that you couldn't have done anything about. You are not expected to be perfect. you don't need to be perfect. " she breathed pulling the now teary-eyed Deku into her arms. 

"You are not perfect, no one is. you don't have to carry this on your shoulders. Katsuki is strong, resilient. he will be okay and we will get him back " She smiled at him widely as she pulled away from the hug before a sob broke from his throat and he pulled himself back into the hug burying his face into his friend's shoulder.

it was hours before either of them got any sleep, but they stayed together that night. They knew that Aizawa would have something to say if or when he finds out about this but at the moment the only thing they wanted was the company the gave each other, the feeling of safeness and hope.

Etzumi learned more about herself - she realized that it was okay to blame herself because she now recognized that she wasn't too blame. she was holding it against herself for getting scared and hesitating but...she's human and anyone would be scared in her position. she need not hold it against herself. her actions meant 2 of the sisters we safe, it would have been ideal for all 3 of them to be safe but improbable for one person to succeed in. 

She isn't at fault. 

it wasn't her fault. 

------------

Initial Plan

- At 3 am she is at Deku's dorm room, feeling really on edge from the recent villain attack at the camp, it fetching memories of the day her parents died.
- Of course, Deku is awake, his friend has been kidnapped and he doesn't know what to do.
- for once she helps him, she knows what it is like to lose someone, she knows how hard it is to get through the day with them on her mind and she doesn't want Deku going through this alone as she had.

Initial Inspiration: 

"Are You Still Awake..."

Word Count: 894