Some Secrets Should Stay Secrets (Supernatural)

Mind Games

Felicity returned to the motel room with food, her "supplies" in her handbag. When she opened the door, Cas was sitting on the bed, his back against the wall. He quickly looked up at her with tired blue eyes.

"Sorry, Castiel. Did I wake you?" She whispered.

"I was not sleeping. It's fine. I was merely resting my eyes."

She chuckled. "Okay, sure. Where's Sam? He still in the shower?"

"No. He got out and said he'd get himself and Dean another room, since we'll be staying here overnight."

"Why not just leave? Let's get this show on the road!"

"He got a call from Dean. According to him, there's been another murder. Not that of a vampire attack, however. His eyes had been burned out of his skull."

"Angel attack?"

"Most likely. Did you bring me a 'hot dog'?" He formed air quotes around hot dog.

She reached into the white paper bag she was holding and gave Cas his hot dog. "I put catsup on it. Hope you like it."

"According to Dean, this tomato based dressing is known as 'ketchup'."

"I just call it catsup because it sounds funny to put cat-sup on a hot dog."

Cas tilted his head to the side. Felicity cleared her throat awkwardly. "Never mind. So, Sam and Dean have a different room, then?"

"Yes."

"And we're sharing this one?"

"Yes."

She nodded slowly. "Kay, then. I'm just going to, um, freshen up." And with that, she went into the bathroom and locked the door behind her.

She took the bags out of her purse, taking a shaky breath. Every time she did this, she felt less and less moral. Less and less human. Of course, the secrets she held grew much, much darker than this.

Much, much darker.

She finished off the first two bags and decided to leave the last for later. Two would suffice for now. Until tomorrow.

She cleaned herself up and went back into the room, Cas sound asleep. She smiled briefly. She set her handbag of secrets down at the foot of her bed.

"Castiel?" She whispered. No response. He was out like a light.

She tucked him into the covers and stroked his dark hair. She couldn't help but smile.

"Dammit, Castiel. I know I love Django, but you're making it so difficult."

She gave him a peck on the cheek and turned off the lamp which sat atop the nightstand that separated the two beds. She would normally avoid sleep at all costs because of her nightmares, but she was confident that she would sleep peacefully tonight.

Though once she got in bed, she found it difficult to sleep at all. Her secrets were eating away at her, driving her crazy. Then there was Django.

She met him before her parents died. He said he could help her with problems she thought no one else knew of. That's when he revealed that he was an angel. He could sense her distress and was only trying to help. He said he had a cure for her troubles. Albeit a temporary one, but she was desperate. They became partners, and soon after, became lovers. She just couldn't get over what happened to her parents. What she did.

And now she couldn't stop thinking about this man who was killed. He was killed by an angel. Eyes burnt out of his skull, there was no doubt. But why would Django kill him? He ruined everything.

Their plan was to get that body from the vamp, lay low so the boys didn't have a reason to stick around, and they were in the clear. It was a perfect plan, and Django slipped up. She would confront him tomorrow. Right now, she needed sleep.

She kept thinking, all of these thoughts swirling around in her mind, until she eventually fell asleep.

._.__.___.____.

Cas awoke in the middle of the night, unsure of what awoke him, until he saw Felicity having another nightmare.

She was kicking, groaning, and arching her back as though she were being tortured. Cas had seen this more than once, and he didn't like it. He only wanted to keep Felicity safe.

He did what he always did when she had a nightmare. He pinned her to the bed by her shoulders. "Felicity! Wake up! Felicity, it's just a dream! Wake up!"

He shouted until she awoke, soaked in sweat. She sat up, her back against the wall, hugging her knees to her chest. She couldn't help but sob quietly. There was only one reason she could've had that nightmare.

It was getting stronger.

Cas sat next to her and tried to comfort her. She started crying into his shoulder. He ended up holding her in his lap, keeping her body as close to his as possible. His instincts told him to protect her with his life. And he intended to do so.

"It's okay, Felicity. It was only a dream." He solaced.

"It felt real," She choked out. "Just like every damn time I have it."

"Shh, it can't hurt you. I won't let it hurt you."

"Every time I fall asleep...." Her voice was barely above a whisper.

"You're not asleep now. And you know I'll always be here for you."

"Castiel?" She sniffed.

"Yes?"

"Do you dream?"

Cas sighed. "I actually don't. It is not something I'm equipped with."

"What's it like? To not be able to dream?"

"It's like... an endless void of nothingness. And just when you think you see something, you wake up."

"Do you want to dream?"

"I would like to know what it's like to dream, yes."

"Can we just... trade places?"

Cas looked down at her. "What do you mean?"

"Is it possible for you to give me a dreamless sleep while I give you dreams?"

He sighed lightly. "I don't think so."

"Can you at least give me good dreams? Instead of that nightmare?"

"I am not sure."

"Can you try?"

"Of course. Anything for you, Felicity."

"Thank you." She muttered, slowly falling back to sleep.

"Don't thank me yet." He whispered.

He thought of something she would most likely want to dream of. There was a childhood dog she spoke of fondly, named Scrappy. She had shown him pictures sometimes, so he knew what the Bassett Hound looked like.

He put his index and middle finger to her temple and focused on the dog. All of the things she said she would do with him back before he died of old age.

He knew it worked when she smiled slightly in her sleep. Cas smiled, too. All he wanted was to see her happy.

"You make me feel something, Felicity. Though I am not quite certain what it is, I enjoy feeling it. It makes me feel... good."

He gently brushed her hair out of her eyes. He planted a kiss on her forehead, unable to tell himself not to.

"I don't know why, but I always feel compelled to do that when I am with you," He tilted his head to the side slightly. "I wonder why."

He contemplated this for a moment. He wasn't very good with emotions. He never felt them before, nor did he understand them.

As he pondered this, his eyelids grew heavier and heavier, until he couldn't keep them open. He felt himself drift, until he fell asleep with Felicity in his arms.