Obfuscated Desires

Chapter Thirteen13

I woke up at 02:26 in the morning due to the fact that I was unable to sleep , I was laying on top of my bed facing up at the white ceiling, my hands were folded on top of my chest and I was thinking a lot about my already messed up life, I know I am 18 years and there is more to life for the upcoming years but I've lost hope , hope to love , time is ticking and the more I am broken the more I'm gaining hatred and resentment towards all the people surrounding me, I know I am wrong to feel that for innocent people because of that one guy that once hurt my feelings six moths ago but i just cant accept , I cant accept the pain , what hurts the most is I chose Michael over Spencer, I chose a devil over an angel, how stupid and naïve I was.

A tear rolled down my cheek and I wiped it off by using my left hand ,I stretched my hand so i could take my phone which was on top of my study desk besides my bed on my left, I unlocked it and dialled my brothers number ,I'm sure his sleeping by this time but he will forgive me for ruining his sleep ,I need someone to talk to and we haven't spoken for a month.

He answered after the third ring then he said "Chan?" his voice was raspy and rough indicating that he was indeed sleeping.

"hey" my voice was so low I doubt he heard me.

"what's wrong? why did you wake me up this time ,I have class to attend early in the morning"

"I just missed you" truthfully I said, I really miss my brother and its adding up to my broken life, the thought of it made my tears roll down, I couldn't hold it anymore , I sniffed.

he was fidgeting before he said"Chantel, what's wrong? your stress me out"

"I I . I'm. my life is . messed up Justin " my sobs were making it difficult for me to speak fluently.

"what do you mean Chan? is it that whole situation of Michael ?" my brother knows everything that has happened in my life, he tried giving out some advices but ey it is easy to say the words but hard to put action upon them, he even beat the ass out of him for hurting me, I smiled upon remembering the fight, how hilarious it was.

"yes "

" ah Chan ,why do you still give a fuck about him?"

"because I love him and I feel guilty for making Spencer's life a living hell"

"you still love that asshole , come on now, so you telling me you still want him back in your life after everything he has done to you?!!" I could sense the irritation in my brothers voice.

the question he asked sent daggers to my heart , it got me thinking if I would afford to lose my life just to be someone else's slave, to be someone else's whore ,to do whatever he wants me to do just to get a kiss in return, to not own my life and to be an imitator of his life and well I would do it , and all I want in return is his presence besides me , every day, every hour, every minute and every second.

I got lost inside my thoughts I even forgot I was in the phone.

"Chantel!" he shouted obviously annoyed by my silence.

"yeah?" I asked ignoring his question.

"answer me or didn't you hear what i asked? let me repeat , will you take-"

"yes Justin I would, I will sell my soul to the devil just to get him back in my life, I don't mind being treated badly by him ,all I was is to be next to him"I said cutting what he was about to say.

"oh wow, I must say your one stupid girl" what i love about my brother is he will never bit around the bush, he will tell you exactly the truth regardless of whether it will hurt you or not, but sometimes his being too much, you just need to lie just a little bit to make someone happy, just a little bit.

"I know ey"

"I don't know what to say , but you are stupid to give someone your all, I've tried talking to you Chan but you clearly don't listen, this is life and its either you man up and show Michael that you can still live without him, show him you are happy, show him that he will never own your life, be strong and prove him wrong at least and trust me he will come back in your life and try to claim you back and by then you would have moved on"

his telling the truth and is time for me to stand up for myself and show him that i can still leave.

"I hear you, I will try, trust me, I'm tired of this guy"

"that's my girl"

"now tell me when are you planning to come and visit us, I miss the old times we once shared"

"Maybe during December holidays , they are killing us with exams"

and with that said we went to sleep after saying out goodnights

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Today was Monday and I was in Mrs. Felicity's class, she was teaching us the new moves we must use for couple dancing and each couple was suppose to go at the front and to exactly what she did to ensure that we understood each move, Zack and I were the last couple and he hasn't said anything to me during this period, its something that I'm not used to but I did not want to say anything to him, he seemed like he was in deep thoughts

the past two days of not going to school was amazing I was able to burn down my diary which holds the memories of him, I guess I'm taking the step of changing my life and being the happy girl I was.

Our turn came and we did exactly what we were taught, though he did not smile like the usual Zack I know, I don't know what's going on with him today

the bell rang and Mrs .Felicity said " go to your next class everyone , will continue tomorrow"

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school was out and Maddie and I were outside the school yard waiting for my mother to come and fetch us, today's day went really fast and I did not spot Michael , but I saw Spencer a lot of time but we were avoiding each others eyes.

"Daniel asked me on a date" my beloved bestfriend who is blindfolded by love said excitedly.

"oh" I mean I can't pretend that I like this guy.

"You don't sound happy for me" of course I am not

"Listen Maddie I-"

My statement was disturbed by someone calling my name I recognise the voice is Elsa, I haven't heard from her this past few days.

"hey Chantel, hey Maddie" she said and we both greeted her" listen I want to talk to you about something, you don't mind if I come to your house today right?"

just as I was about to ask her what she want's to talk about and why she cant say it now my mother came and i said "okay, you can come"

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Just published chapter13 hope you enjoyed it

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