Weirdo //h.s. [Editing]

[20] Feelings?

Sydney

A few days have gone by and Harry has been acting awfully strange. He seems on edge and jumpy. He seems too hesitant on things for some reason and it's making me uncomfortable. It's as though he is in a feud with himself and he doesn't know which side of his internal argument to choose. To say it's confusing me would be a huge understatement.

In the three days that have passed, I have thought a lot about that phone call. I still have absolutely no idea who it was Harry was talking to or what on earth it was that they were discussing, but I need to find out or I'll drive myself insane. I heard Harry speaking on the phone a few times after that, with what I would assume to be the same person, and it makes me wonder what exactly is going on. What's with all the sudden calls lately?

The whole first two months I had been here, I hadn't seen Harry on the phone more than once. He phoned one person and I believe it was the doctor that came to check out my side when Harry gave me a brutal beating. I had just started to forget that. If he wasn't in need of contacting anyone then, why is it so important now?

Aside from Harry acting strange, he has also been rather kind again. I have no idea why he keeps changing his mind on how to treat me, I'd say he's bipolar. Some days he's fine and the next he's yelling round about nothing at all.

I haven't touched any form of cleaning supplies since the other day when everything happened, and that I am glad of. My hands and the pads of my fingers actually started to turn wrinkly from the dampness in the cloth I had used to wipe everything down. I was tired of feeling like a maid that day and I know I never want to experience that situation again.

I'm not any closer to getting out of this place; surprise, surprise. I have finally excepted the fact that I'm here to stay, and I've been behaving impeccably if you ask me. I think Harry is happy with me for once, and I think he is rather surprised that I listened to his advise. He seems proud with the fact that he achieved at making me listen and be good. Though, it really has nothing to do him, I'm choosing to be obedient on my own.

To be honest, that phone call really set my goal for me. I knew before that, that I wanted to start being better when it comes to Harry, but hearing his side of the talk made me wonder. I think it scared me more than anything into being good. I don't want to risk the chance that it was about me and if I'm bad, bad things will happen. I don't want things between me and Harry to go back to the way they were in the early days of me being here; I'm finally starting to except him and I do not need him beating on me and changing my views once again.

My mind started to settle on the fact that I may have a thing for Harry. As hard as it is to admit it, I think I'm slowly starting to fall for him; I can feel myself slipping through the cracks. I know it's messed up beyond belief, seeing as he is my kidnapper and I'm his captive, but I can't help the way it is. It scares me to think about; believe me it does, and I have absolutely no idea what to do about it. He couldn't possibly feel the same way and even if he does I can't say anything about it to him because we could never, ever, act upon these sick feelings. It just isn't right in any way at all.

My mother would be so disappointed in me. She would be disgusted that her own daughter has feelings for her kidnapper. It's a messed up experience in itself, let alone all of the other facts about what's happened on the side. And my father, my father would flip shit. He'd go haywire and knock every single one of Harry's teeth out for even laying his eyes on me in the first place, let alone making me fall for him. Though it isn't Harry's fault I'm falling for him, it's my own, and I'm rather angry at myself for my feelings.

Harry is a good guy; aside from taking an innocent girl into his custody against her will. But if you get past his anger, I think he could be a nice person. He is a nice person, he just needs help. I don't know what it is he needs help with, because I have no idea why I'm here in the first place, but I know he needs someone in his life to care for him. Maybe that's why I'm here; maybe he just needs someone to be here for him. It's not exactly logical, but it's possible.