Weirdo //h.s. [Editing]

[23] In love?

Not edited yet, sorry xx

Sydney

Do I really love him? Could I ever really love Harry? I mean I thought I did, and I still do, but do I actually? Is it possible for me to love him even after his refusal of being honest with me? Even after all of the shit we have been through, I am still willing to love him if he tells me the truth, but he won't, and even if he did, I'm not sure the truth will allow me to love him. What if it is worth than anything I had imagined? What if it is something I am really not willing to hear? Learning how all of this could possibly have anything to do with me, may break me before Harry ever could if I gave myself to him.

If I do really love Harry, I'm not positive I will let myself do anything about it. Sure, I may love him, but it could most likely be better for me if I moved on and forgot about my feelings for him. My life might be better without him, as hard as it could be for me to forget all of this, I'm going to have to try. That is if I ever get out of this place. It's been over three months, maybe I really should give up.

I gave up on pestering Harry for the truth yesterday, I knew I wasn't going to get it out of him anyway. I came to terms with the fact that if I wanted to know everything, I'd have to find out myself somehow. But I questioned whether that was really worth it. Where would the truth even get me? Probably no further than I am now. I'd still be stuck here with Harry, only forced to face him while dealing with the truth. Either that or I would end up dead if 'this person' -whoever they are- found out I knew everything. Maybe Harry's right, maybe it is better if I just don't know.

If I ever leave here without knowing why I was here in the first place, I'll spend my whole life trying to guess and figure it out. I'll spend my whole life wondering why this happened, who the mystery person was, what it all had to do with me, and I'll spend my whole life wondering what ever happened to Harry.

I got up off my bed and walked out of the room to go find food. I've barely been eating these last few days because I just didn't feel like it, but right now I'm starving and I need food. I walked into the kitchen and threw open the fridge, taking out the first thing I laid my eyes on, an apple. I don't even like apples but I'll eat it anyway. Harry came around the corner and saw me standing at counter. He came and sat on a stool, looking at me with a smile.

"Good morning." He smiles and rests his chin in his palms.

"Yeah." I mutter, not showing interest in any possible conversations with him. I do not want to talk to him right now, it will only make me feel worse about it all.

"Look, I'm sorry. I know I pissed you off yesterday, but in all honesty, I probably pissed myself off more." He says and sits up straight, looking at me seriously.

"Why would you have pissed yourself off more? You're the one who chose no to tell me anything." I shrug and roll my eyes.

"I know, and again, I'm sorry. I want to tell you the truth though, I'm just scared to." He admits and looks everywhere but my eyes.

"I'm scared to find out the truth, so I guess we are even." I tell him.

"I've been trying to keep this from you because I was told to, and I didn't want to go against my orders. I'm scared to because I don't now what will happen, I guess I'm really just trying to protect my own ass. Ive been sticking up for him and trying to protect him, that I couldn't see I should really be protecting you and sticking up for you. I didn't want any of this, I really need you to believe me when I say that. Non of this was up to me and if I could go back in time and change it I would in a heartbeat. Not just for me, but for you." He tries to explain and I can't help the small tear that rolls out of my eye.

"What are you getting at?"

"I want to tell you the truth, I really do, so I'm gonna pull my head out of my ass and do so." He says and my face lights up. He is really going to tell me everything?

"Really? What changed your mind?" I rush out my questions. I want to know what made him suddenly deicide to tell me.

"After all that we have gone through, and all the shit that I threw at you, I realized something. I've never experienced this feeling before in my entire life, and at first I was denying it, telling myself it wasn't real, but it is. As hard as this is for me to say and as hard as it will be for you to believe, I'm gonna tell you anyway. I don't expect you to feel the same, or to even understand how, but I just want you to believe me." He pleads and looks at me intently as he grabs hold of my hand tightly.

"O-okay." I stutter. I have no idea what he is talking about but I do know I am a little frightened to find out.

"I'm going to tell you the truth because I don't want to keep pushing you away, I can't lose you." He shakes his head and I grow even more confused. "I want you to trust me and like me and I want you in my life, and because of that I'll tell you everything."

"Harry, wh-" I start but he cuts me off.

"I love you Sydney!"

I freeze completely and look at him confused. He loves me? How? Why? He doesn't love me, he can't.

"Y-you, love me?" I stutter for the second time since our conversation started.

"I do. I am completely in love with you and because of that, I need to be honest with you. I can't lie to you anymore because I know that if I do you will hate me forever. If you already don't." He tells me, squeezing me hand in his tighter.

"You don't love me, you can't." I shake my head rapidly and pull my hand from his grasp. I cannot wrap the idea of him loving me around my head. I did not picture Harry falling in love with anybody, let alone me.

"But I do! As crazy as it sounds, I do. All the times I hurt you, physically and emotionally, I didn't want to, I had to. I didn't have a choice and if I didn't do everything that I have, things would be much worse for the both of us right now. I am so sorry for all of the shit I have done, I know that I can't undo any of it but if I could I would. I know you wont, but all I ask is for you to please forgive me. Maybe after this story you will but if you don't, I understand." He nods to himself and grabs onto my hand once again.

I sat in silence for a few minutes. I was thinking about what all he said. I love Harry, I know I do, but hearing him tell me he feels that way too, I don't know if I can tell him I feel the same way, but I need to. He needs to at least know how I feel, no matter if we work through all of this shit or not.

"Harry, I don't know how or why, but I love you too." I come right out and say. Nothing can go any worse now anyway. His face lights up and a smile takes over his face, then confusion seems to set in.

"You do? How could you feel that way after everything I've done?" He asks and furrows his eyebrows.

"I don't know really." I admit. "Maybe because I can tell when you don't mean things and when you do. Besides, you keep telling me that non of this is what you wanted, so I guess that after a while I just started to believe you. If it really isn't up to you, then explain it all to me." I tell him and take a seat on the stool next to him.

"Just kiss me first." He demands and grabs my face in his hands, pulling my lips to his. He forces his onto mine and I slowly start to kiss back. This is the first kiss I've had with him that actually meant anything to the both of us. It felt better knowing that we felt the same way about each other. I pull away after a minute, breathing heavily as I open my eyes and look into his.

"Tell me everything." I demand.

"Alright, but just please... don't hate me for what I had no control over." He begs and looks at me with pleading eyes.

"Don't give me a reason to, and I wont." I tell him honestly.

-----
Hey guys! Happy Boxing Day, hope non of you got injured while shopping lol. Hope this chapter was enjoyable, I'm not the happiest with it but oh well, I hope you guys are. They finally told each other how they feel, but I can't promise that will completely change anything between them as of now and the next few chapters. Next chapter will be the whole story of everything and it all will be let put of the bag! Comment and tell me if you would prefer the explanation to be given in Sydney's Pov or Harry's because I haven't decided which one I want to do yet. Tell me what you think and vote please! Thanks xx