Weirdo //h.s. [Editing]

[22] She Deserves

Had some extra time to write today so double update! Extra Christmas gift. Enjoy :)

Sydney

I was sat on the couch staring at the wall for the past hour. I don't have anything to do and I refuse to talk to Harry at all. He refuses to tell me anything I don't already know so why should I talk to him? He put me here, he did this to me, it's his fault. He tried to tell me that it isn't up to him, that non of this is what he wanted, but it only confuses me more. I don't know what he means when he says shit like that because I don't know about any of this, I am kept completely in the dark. For all I know he is talking a load of shit. If it isn't up to him, who the fuck is it up to? That man he always talks to on the phone?

There is that saying we use, the expression of the law. Everyone is innocent until proven guilty. But as of right now in this situation involving Harry, as far as I am concerned everyone is guilty until proven innocent. He isn't going to prove himself to me anytime soon if he keeps refusing to tell me the truth.

He begs and begs for me to talk to him, about anything really, but I keep quiet. Every time he tries to speak I pretend I don't hear, even though its plainly obvious that I do. I can tell that it hurts him, that it has a bigger effect on him than I thought it would, but I really do not mind. If he feels pain when I ignore him, then that is just payback for all the pain he has caused me. He deserves to feel guilty and regretful for all of this. If he wants to prove himself and get me to speak to him and find forgiveness, then he needs to be willing to do what it will take. All I am asking for is the truth, it isn't like I will be getting out of here anytime soon to tell people anyway.

"Sydney, just talk to me, even for just five minutes." Harrys pleads as he grabs hold of my hand. I yank it away from his grasp and send him the hardest glare I can muster. I am really having second thoughts about him. As much as I tell myself I love him, I hate him that much more.

"Please? C'mon, baby, five minutes of talking to me wont kill you." He begs once again. He has been calling me baby a lot lately, trying to suck up as best as he can.

"Why, Harry? Why must you pester me to speak to you when you aren't going to tell me anything anyway?" I finally crack and raise my voice. He does not make an ounce of sense and it is getting to me very badly. Why does he even care if I talk to him or not?

"I just want you to understand! I need you to understand, baby." He sighs and places his head in his hands.

"How am I supposed to understand any of this if you wont tell about it? You keep bugging me to talk to you so I can understand, but for what? What will I ever understand?" Anger courses through me as I watch him just sit there staring at me.

"I cannot tell you everything, Sydney! I want to, believe me I do, but I can't!" He yells and stands up abruptly.

"Well then I guess we really will no longer be speaking, because until you tell me the truth, I will not talk to you." I shake my head at him.

"Not this again! You just ignored me for the past two days, not again." I can tell he is getting annoyed by his tone of voice and the way he is fidgeting in his spot.

"Its for own fault!"

"No, not it isn't! It is not my fault that I cannot tell you!" He yells. "You are such a fucking baby! I can't tell you and I fucking wont so leave it at that christ!"

Tears start to well up in my eyes. I'm the baby? He is the one who is too scared to tell me the truth and I'm the baby?

"You know what, Harry? I hate you! I fucking hate you!" I scream and run past him to my room.

Maybe I overreacted a little, but I just feel so damned defeated that I never know what to do anymore. Of course I don't completely hate Harry because I deeply love him, but I cab't help the anger from creating a small amount of hatred. I'm just so done with everything.

Harry

"Fuck!" I hissed as she slammed the bedroom door. I can't believe I let her walk away from me again.

I am such a stupid dumbass for being such a coward. I am too scared to tell her the truth because I'm worried about my own arse. I'm thinking of nothing but myself and that is stopping me from being honest with her. All she wants is the truth and I am too stupid to give it to her.

It killed me to hear her say she hates me. She doesn't, does she? Who am I even kidding, of course she probably does. I even hate my damn self right now. But still, I feel a very strong ache in my chest when I think about how she said that. I love her and she hates me with a passion. No one wants the one they are in love with to hate them, it hurts like a motherfucker. I did this to myself though I suppose. I'm too big of a prick to talk to her about it all so I really can't expect her to like me, let alone love me.

I'm letting that asshole ruin my life and take control over me once again, and once again I'm stupid enough to let it happen. I've hated him with everything in me for as long as I can remember.. practically my whole life, but I was too naive to listen to myself before this whole thing started. I hate him, I hate Carol, I even hate myself.

I thought for over two hours about it all for about the millionth time, and then I asked myself something. How can someone let something come between them and the person they love? How can someone choose something over the person they are in love with? How can I chose sticking up for Mike and protecting him and my own ass over Sydney? I love her so much and I know that by me doing this to her, I am pushing her away. I will lose her if I keep this up, but yet I'm still doing it.

I realized then that I'm so much more stupid than I gave myself credit for. I'm literally the most selfish and stupidest person in the entire world. I am actually choosing him over Sydney. I know that she doesn't feel the same for me as I do for her, but the chances of that ever happening are even slimmer if I keep hiding this from her. I need to think of my life and my future and not to mention Sydney's future, before I start worrying about protecting his. He does not deserve a decent future, he deserves just about anything else, but she does. She deserves the best life, she deserves everything. It's up to me to give that to her now. The fait of her future is in my hands and it's up to me to decide how good it is for her. I can tell her the truth right now and give her the world when I get her out of here. Or I can continue to lie and keep her locked away in here forever. If I want the slightest chance of a normal and happy life with her, with us together, then I need to tell her.

Tell her everything.

I had to tell her everything, I needed her and I refused to lose something that I love again. I've lost too many great things and I wouldn't lose her too, I refused to. If confessing everything means keeping her, then that is what I will do. The truth will hurt so many people but it needs to be let out, its been kept a secret for far too long now. I can almost guarantee her family will be destroyed and her heart will break, not to mention Mike will go to jail for the rest of his life, but as bad as it all sounds, it is still better that way compared to what it will be if Sydney stays here hiding behind a pile of lies.

Being honest with her would not guarantee getting her out of here, but it would make everything much better. I'll tell her the truth, get out of this house, and call the police. Everything would work out fine if it would just go according to my plan. I would most likely be put behind bars for at least a little while, but at least she would be safe and everything would be better for all of us.

After running everything through my mind and going over all of the possible scenarios multiple times, I decided that I would tell her the truth tomorrow, give her time to cool off and collect her thoughts as I collect mine. I love her way too much to just let her go and lose her forever.

-----
Second chapter today! This makes up for the long wait and I most likely wont be writing at all tomorrow. Who do you think Carol is? Comment your guesses and please take a second to vote! Merry Christmas once again, love you all xx