Rituals, Regrets, and Really Dumb People

Chapter 5: Badly Done Children's Art, Part 4

"Let me ask you a question"—the god turned his head as two others joined us; Lilly and the kid. The kid ran up to Jessica and gave her a hug—"if you don't mind. And hello child. Miss Lilly."

"Hello, Mister He," the kid said to him. Funny that she knew him. "Jessica! Where have you been?"

"Uh, been helping Mister He," Jessica said, petting the little girl's head and combing her hair. "How have you been, hon?"

"Been good. Been drawing for Mister Math-house," the kid said, punching at the air. "We've been hanging out, yo."

"Uh, I see," Jessica said, masking her somewhat awkward tone behind a façade of friendliness. "Come here, let me hold you."

The kid climbed up in Jessica's arms, both of them hugging tight to one another. Well, I denied them that, didn't I? "Why did you bring her in?" I asked Lilly.

"She insisted, said a Miss Jessica was out here," Lilly said.

The Radiant stood and drew my attention back towards him. "Anyways, the question. Do you feel bad for what you've done?" he asked me.

I looked down on the floor and I thought about it. I recalled all those faces in Sanctuary, I recalled the pain and anguish they wore in seeing me, how I had robbed them of their loved ones. I thought on Geraldine, on Tom, on those guards and that old woman. I thought about Stitches, of Murderjaws, then I thought about how it would feel if Meredith was killed by some bloodthirsty butcher. Well, before she hated me.

With suitable information and experience, I could give him an answer. "Yes, He. I—hate what I've done. All of it, all the pain, the violence, the squandered opportunities. I—wanted to be strong, I wanted to be the best."

"A lot feel that way, I think," He replied. "I know you better than you know yourself, boy. No one likes to feel weak and helpless. You sure didn't. If everyone else is going to be a villain, may as well be one too, right? Be the best of the best of them. They can't hurt you if you're better than what they are."

"Yes," I softly mumbled.

"Anyways, I digress. If you want my opinion, even without salvation, without reward, you should want to do good, just for the sake of goodness. You've done a lot of bad, terrible things, Mathias. I cannot say you'll escape your judgment or fate. It really is too late sometimes, and you've killed many people, ruined many lives. Don't waste anymore time hurting and sowing more pain. Spend it doing good, boy, not for some reward, but because it is the right thing to do."

"I think Mister Math-house can do good, Mister God," the kid told He. "I believe it!"

"Do you now?" He asked the kid. "That's up to Mathias, sweet one. And it is Mathias, not Math-house," he corrected her in a soft fashion, like a teacher to a pupil.

"That's what I said, though."

"I believe you can do good, too, Sanguine," Jessica said.

I looked between them, from He to the kid, to Thimble and Jessica. I ended at Dimitri and Lilly, both of who were nodding. I slowly stood up to face it all.

"I know one thing, Mathias," He said. "Your She has faith in you, too, elsewise she would not have tried as hard as she has to get you out of your situation."

I see. "Where do I go from here?"

He looked to me, then to the child. He beckoned for her and Jessica reached her over towards me. I lifted her out of Jessica's arms and let her climb into my own, where she hugged my neck and sat her head on my shoulder. She was still tired, even with all the excitement.