She began to fear every sound since she had met him. With every step she looked over her shoulder. Fear of him kept her wary. Trying to run from the nightmare he put her through was all that mattered, but the pain of being away from half of your sou...
It's a harsh reality that I still find comfort in his arms despite what he put me through. Having a breakdown like that in front of him was humiliating. I hate how vulnerable he's made me. It took an hour for me to finally calm down a bit, but even when I did, I still stayed curled up to him longer than I had to. When I pulled away from him he sat me on a nearby couch and then went off to go get me some water. Even though it's only been a few minutes I already miss his touch. Why do I feel this way? Why am I so weak?
He turns around the corner with a glass in hand. He comes towards me to give me the glass. He sits next to me and wraps an arm around my waist, I don't protest the action.
"Apex", I start, "can we talk about the whole 'mate' thing". He turns to look at me surprised.
"What do you want to know?". What do I want to know? He's already explained most of the bigger bits and my research has filled in the rest. I just want my feelings specifically explained. This whole complicated mess has turned me and my life into a complicated wreck. I want to be madder at him because that would be the simplest and most reasonable way to feel. I take a sip from the glass and a deep breath.
"When I was still under your bed, why did I hurt so bad?", he freezes. He clearly wasn't expecting me to ask that. I already know the answer. I know exactly what he did. He withdraws his arm and puts his face in his hands. the fact that I once again miss him only fuels me more.
"I'm so sorry", he says, "I was so stupid". I already know what he did but I want to hear him say it. He starts to shake a bit.
He draws in a deep breath before saying, " I was with other women. I knew you would be hurt by it but at the time everything about you felt unreal to me". I stare at him hard.
"Why?", I ask.
"I don't know", he says, " before meeting you I had never done that before, but after it seemed like I could never get enough, I don't know why I did it". He looks up at me with his now red eyes.
"Do you have any idea how much pain you put me through?".
"No I can't imagine it", he says.
Still angry I say, " what if I made you feel that pain?". He's up in a flash. He stands before me and presses his hands down into my shoulders. His face loses its former look of vulnerability and instead changes to a stern expression.
"No", he says, his voice now gruff and animalistic. I rise from my spot and glare up into his eyes. Despite my own tall stature, I'm still tiny next to the Goliath of a man before me.
"Or what?", I ask. I know that I'm playing with fire, but at this point I almost want him to hurt me. I want to be angry at him.
He moves so quickly towards me I can't even register all that just happened. His arms are around me and my feet leave the ground. Acting on instinct my arms and legs wrap around him to keep myself from falling. I feel him playing with my hair as labored breaths leave his chest.
"No", he says again.
"Why?".
"Because I love you and I want you to be happy", he draws in a deep breath before continuing, "I understand if you can't do that with me, but please try for just a little bit. I will give you everything and even if that's not enough and you still want to leave I can at least hold onto a few good memories of you".
I don't know what to say. This is pretty much the opposite of what I wanted.
"Put me down please", he does as I ask. I stare down at my feet to avoid eye contact with him.
He clears his throat and says, "I guess you probably shouldn't be staying in that room, I'll have a new one made up for you". I nod in agreement.
"Hey", he says placing a hand on my cheek, " I know you may never return it and that's something I know I caused but I really love you and I'm working to make myself better". Looking into his once terrifying green eyes now filled with such sincerity does something to my heart. He leans forward and presses a kiss to my hair.
Then he drops his hand from my face to my hand and I let him lead me down a hallway. I don't question where he is taking me as the anger I try so hard to hold onto dissapates and turn to butterflies that fill my stomach. His 'I love you's' echo in my head. I feel more for him than I should.
Oops! This image does not follow our content guidelines. To continue publishing, please remove it or upload a different image.
