black. \ nct jaehyun × blackpink rosé.

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jaehyun

im sat by the side of a river underneath the blank sky with the unknown girl. she was writing on her hand with a permanent marker.

"what are you doing?" i asked, curious of her weird actions.

" 'jisung loves you 98%'  have you not watched hotel de luna? they die and the only memory they have is of their last moment on earth. im not gonna lie to you but i dont want my only memory to be killing myself with a stranger." she smiles.

"this would probably be my happiest memory." my chin in my palm.

the girl grins. i see it from the corner of my eye. "then, im glad to be someones happy memory."

"whats yours about?"

"my what?"

"your happy memory."

"oh." she giggles a bit and looks at the writing on her hand, brushing her fingers against it. "jisung was first person- no, the only person i have ever felt sincere love from. who knew a 18 year old could help an emotionally broken 22 year old."

she was silent for a few seconds and i turned to look at her hand. it was getting smudged by her tears. "he passed a message to his only 6 friends before he was to pass as well. it was that he 'loved me 98%' the other 2% was because i was scared to express my feelings."

it was once again another few seconds of silence. it had just turned 1:00am. the train journey was quite long.

"i watched my mother's dead body get burried by my father. it was in the back garden. when i had the chance, i dug her up, cleaned her soiled body and brought her to the police, explaining how she killed herself." i clenched my fist. "i watched him pretend he was dreading over my my mothers death. recently, i let all of my anger out on behalf of my 16 year old self. hes dead and im questioning if i did it by accident or on purpose."

"that depends on how you felt before and after his death. if you were awaiting for his death or not. your guilt does determine if you wanted him dead or not. you feel guilty because of the large affect youve made for the people around you."

i turned to her and she smiled.

i saw it. the sincerity in someones eyes. its my first time seeing it myself.

so thats what it looks like.