music to my ears // phan

courage of stars 1.2

TRIGGER: mentions of suicide
stay safe everyone
i love you.

"you taught me the

courage of stars

before you left"

dan and phil got home soon enough. Phil's mum was still in her room with the doors closed. dan went into Phil's room tapping his pencil against his journal. "you ok?" phil asks noticing "yeah, i have a tune for a new song but im not sure what i want the lyrics to be about" "well" phil starts sitting next to dan, "what means the most to you? what's something you haven't written about?" Dan sits thinking. "ok let me help you get thinking, uh, how did you first get into songwriting?" Dan stars at the ground. it's something he hasn't told Phil yet and only Chris, his family of course, and a few friends. Dan sighs looking up at phil. "it's not a happy story." Phil just nods "if you want to tell it, im all ears." Dan nods starting.

"well. uh so, im the second child. and i was about 10 when my older brother, Adrian, uhm, took his own life." Phil sat there shocked. he reached out and held both of dans hands to comfort him. "and uh, it, it was really hard for all of us. we had our own coping mechanisms. my mom would cherish every moment with me and take me out to do everything she could. my dad uh, he slept and drank. and i, i wrote my first song. Adrian was the one that taught me how to play piano and began teach guitar. it was the first song i ever wrote. it's pretty bad because it was mainly to get my feelings out but i liked the creative flow so i kept doing it. in the back of my mind, every song i write is dedicated to him. every lyric, every chord, every story, and every verse, wouldn't have been sung without him." Dan was holding back tears. he wasn't mad at Adrian anymore, he understood why he did it. he uses music as a way to carry on his brothers legacy and turn something depressing and sad jnto a beautiful piece with a beautiful story attached.

phil was at a loss for words. he hugged the boy close feeling dans cold tears fall on his shoulder, he just pulled him in tighter. after a while dan separated wipong some tears from his cheeks. "thanks for listening" hs said quietly. "of course. look, i am so so sorry that happened to you. it's something nobody should have to endure. and if you ever like feel anything don't hesitate to call or text or talk to me okay? im always here for you" Dan hugged him again "i know, thank you Phil." "and as for the song, write about that, i mean, if youre comfortable. the first time you wrote about it it was to vent your feelings, now you can look back on them and basically thank you brother for putting music in your life, you know?" Dan smiled nodding. he takes his pencil and starts writing. phil stands up wrapping his arms around the working boy from the back. "ill be back" Dan smiled as Phil gently kissed the top of his head.

"you taught me the

courage of stars

before you left

how light carries on

endlessly

even after death"

dan was in tears writing his song, even just 2 sentences in. he loved his brother to pieces and would give anything to talk to him one more time. i guess that's what he's writing about. its talking to his brother for the last time. Phil came back in seeing the breaking down boy at his desk. Phil walkeduo to him and hugged him, he just cried harder. when his crying eased up Phil sat down beside him. "can i help?" he asked "sure" "ok um, what was Adrian's last words to you?" Phil asked. Dan smiled down thinking of the memory. "he, he told me not to take life for granted, he loved me, and told me how rare and beautiful it is to be able to exist. i think he said that so i wouldn't follow in his footsteps." "that's so sweet" phil smiled "oh! wait i got it!" Dan said scribbling two more sentences down.

"with shortness of breath

you explained the infinite.

how rare and beautiful

it is

to even exist"

phil looked over his shoulder when writing. "that's beautiful." Dan looked up with bright, a bit watery eyes, and smiled at him.

"I couldn't help but ask

for you to say it all again

i tried to write it down

but i could never find the pen"

Dan explained what he was writing as he wrote the next few sentences.

"id give anything to hear

you say it one more time"

"he would tell me how important i was and how beautiful i am. he never wanted to make me feel the way he was feeling. he used to say that the universe was made just to be seen with my eyes. since he was also a musician he would make up songs to put me to sleep and it always had that one line in it. i cherished it, and believed it.

"that the universe was made

just to be seen

by my eyes"

"i wish he was still here" Dan said fondly "he would love you, you would love him. you remind me a lot about him actually. that might have been part of why i talked to you in the first place." "im sure i would have loved him, he sounds amazing. anyone who makes you realize how beautiful and amazing you are, i love" Dan nudged him giggling. after that stanza of lyrics he simply put (repeat).

it's already a slow song so Dan didn't want the lyrics to drag on. he wrote down the final lyrics and turned to face Phil. he took a deep breath and smiled at him.

"with a shortness a breath

ill explain

the infinite.

how rare and beautiful

it truly is

that we exist."

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i love this song so much its so meaningful aaaaaa, also sorry for the really bad chapter im stressed and have writers block

song: Saturn by Sleeping At Last