Angel of Light (A Zak Bagans Story)

Chapter 131: Strange Memories

Authors Note: Just want to post a quick credit to the pilot episode of the TV Show "Saving Hope" for inspiration for the next few chapters. Also, I hope all this stuff is as realistic as can be. I spent many hours researching for these chapters.

Chapter 131: Strange Memories

Alicia's Point Of View

We were still about ten minutes away from the "Holiday Inn" hotel, where the crew and I were staying in.

I kept quiet for most of the ride so far, grateful that Officer Shaw wasn't questioning me about tonight's events. I was also grateful she seemed fine with silence as well, even though there was still a bit of that "awkward silence" feeling.

As I watched the scenery pass us by via the passenger's window, I began thinking about Zak and I – for probably a millionth time since our blow up.

Why was I having these very insecure thoughts about myself again, after having improved quite a bit? Was it just because of Zak's remark about my virginity? Or was there something else going on now?

I had been so happy that I was starting to be more open, and less judgemental of myself, and now it felt like I was back to square one.

It had felt so nice to be in his arms again before I had left with Officer Shaw. I could of stayed there forever. And Zak was so understanding of my thoughts and feelings since our blow up...I was beginning to think that maybe I should just say "okay, I've had a relapse with my insecurity, if you're okay to be patient with me, then I'm okay too".

But then another part of me felt like I would be burdening Zak for asking that of him.

Ugh...why do I always have to be blame myself and feel guilty about everything...why am I like this?

That was a question I often asked myself, "why was I like this?"

I knew in my mind that a lot of people are born with shyness and/or social anxiety, but I've never met anyone else who is as hard as themselves as I am on myself. I often wondered if something in my past had triggered all these things about me, but I just couldn't remember it. Obviously my parents died tragically while I was young, and then my sister died even more tragically, and even though I blamed myself for those accidents, they didn't seem like events that would result in me being so hard on myself in every aspect of my life.

Maybe I should go to therapy...

As I tried to work through my thoughts and feelings, Officer Shaw decided to try to make idle chitchat.

"So, you guys investigate haunted locations for a television show?" She asked.

"Yes, we do," I replied softly. "It's called 'Ghost Adventures'," I added.

"Oh! I think I've heard of that show...one of my friends watches it, and she's always telling me about it," Officer Shaw replied. "That must be an interesting job," she added.

I chuckled quietly.

"Interesting would be an understatement, but yes...it can be very interesting," I replied.

Officer Shaw chuckled quietly as well.

"I can't even begin to imagine," she replied. "How long have you been doing it?" She asked.

"The show has been on for several years now, but I only joined on a little over six months ago," I replied. "A former team member left, and they were looking for a female investigator. I'd never been on a paranormal investigation in my life, but decided to apply for it," I said, finding myself more comfortable talking to Officer Shaw as the time passed.