What If | tmr, newt ✓

Chapter 16

In the showers that evening, I clean all the dirt from my face and hair and now stand looking down at the microscopic pill in the palm of my hand. If they wanted to get me out immediately - and they thought I would too - then why bother sending me this? Perhaps it was just a precaution if they couldn't get me out soon enough.

Without a moment more of hesitation, I tip the pill into my mouth and swallow it with a mouthful of water. After all, I don't care what they thought: I was staying.

***

Hair a tangled mess on my back, I set off in search of Newt and Minho. When I found them talking, I almost didn't want to interrupt; their friendship was adorable. And I felt like I was getting in the way. "Can I talk to you guys?"

I sit down next to Newt, pulling the folded note from my pocket, as they both turn to face me. Their conversation draws to a close as they wait, lamp illuminating their faces from below, before I hand it to them and wait perfectly still for them to read. When they finish, I hate the silence it creates and the tension in their shared glance.

"Why didn't you show us when you found it?" Newt asks.

"I only read it yesterday evening. I didn't want to wake you up." I reply quickly.

Minho just keeps looking at the letter, although he doesn't appear to be reading, and I can feel Newt's eyes trained on my face. I stare at the ground, ashamed. For what? I'm not entirely sure.

"So when are you going then?"

My eyes flick up, and I'm horrified. "I'm not!"

"Addie, don't be ridiculous. They've given you a chance to get out. You can't just not take it," Newt says, and I can see the hurt in his eyes. I wish it would go away. This isn't my fault.

"Well, I'm not going. Not unless they bring everyone here with me."

"You're tired, and you don't know what you're saying. You should get some sleep or you'll regret it tomorrow." This time, his tone is blunt, emotionless. I feel like crying in frustration.

"I told you, I'm not going! I can't trust what they've said in just one note, Newt!"

"Addie, listen to me! You're not supposed to be here. You should escape while you can and quit bloody wasting your time in here." He stands up as if to go, and I can't help but sob in anger and hurt.

"Newt, you know that's not true."

"It doesn't matter. They want you back, they don't want us."

"There's no difference! They wan't you for something if you're stuck in here!" I shout, standing up and leaving Minho on the ground by himself. "Why do you think I showed you this if I weren't staying? I'd have just upped and left without a trace... I thought you liked me enough that you'd want to stay with me. I made my decision. Don't be the reason I change my mind."

I can see I've hurt him and it kills a part of me inside. I didn't mean for this to happen. Bringing my hands to my face, I grunt in frustration and rub my eyes. "Why don't you want me to stay?"

He can't answer immediately, but after a few painstaking moments, Minho speaks up, standing from the floor. "Falcon, you're smart and everything, but sometimes you can be really stupid. He wants you to leave because he loves you, and he wants you to be safe. And we all do, we all care about you. Every single shuckface in here."

My mouth slightly agape, I just stand and face the two of them feeling extremely dumb. I was arrogant: I thought they just wanted me gone to get rid of me; and here they were, admitting quite the opposite.

I run a hand through my wet, tangled hair, aware by now that everyone behind me would be watching this little scene play out. It has gone silent, and I can even see a beetle blade a few metres away, spying.

"I'm sorry," I say, needing space from it all. But I've only gone a few steps when I can hear someone catch up to me.

Newt spins me around and kisses me, no hesitation, no fear. At first I keep my mouth closed, telling myself I don't deserve him, but these thoughts subside when I can't help but put my arms around his neck and entangle my fingers in his hair, opening my mouth and kissing him back. I can hear laughs and cheers in the background, but I don't laugh; I can't even smile. The longer we stay like that, the more I can't prevent myself from crying. When I break it, still we stay close, my forehead against his even with the tears rolling off my cheeks. His hands never move from my sides, stopping me from moving away, until he gives me back the crumpled note.

"I believe this is yours."

"I already told you, I'm not leaving."

"Just take it. Maybe you'll change your mind and save me the job of trying to protect you."

"You don't need to protect me."

"I know. But I want to."