What If | tmr, newt ✓

Chapter 28

Sleep on it, Minho had said.

Sleep. Ha. Funny joke.

Not like I slept at all that night. Just this time yesterday, I was awake for hours, thinking about how my friend was dead, his life taken away from him the instant metal met skin. I should have been grateful his fate wasn't worse.

Because tonight, I don't know when he'll die. He could already be dead. Or he could be terrified, trying to run away from those hideous half-animal half-machines.

My thoughts drift to our lives outside of the Maze. Ben could have had a family that miss him. We all could. And maybe one day we'll return to them, like nothing ever happened, and go our own ways.

The truth is, I have no idea. None of us have any real clue about the world outside our own. The only thing we know is: we want it back.

***

For the second day in a row, I worked in a blurred haze, consumed by grief and bitterness. For obvious reasons, I didn't go with Minho and Alby, though I'll admit, the former had nearly convinced me - that is until the Doors opened and the bloodied remains of Ben's shirt lay on the threshold.

They left almost immediately, Newt and I seeing them off. Under normal circumstances, I'd have joked about how he was in charge now - but this wasn't normal circumstances. I wasn't feeling myself, so instead I just walked off by myself to the Homestead. I could hear him calling my name and chose to ignore it.

Feeling sick, I had kept myself in the confines of the building all morning, not talking to anyone, just doing my duty and looking after the girl, who still hadn't woken up. To add to it, she was eating less and less of what we were feeding her.

When I left for lunch later than normal, I expected to see Minho and Alby having arrived. But they were nowhere in sight. Deciding to finally break my no-speaking strategy, I track down Newt in the kitchen area.

"Hey," I say quietly.

He turns around quickly. "Addie! I- uh, are you okay?" His hair is a mess, as if he's been running his hands through it non-stop.

"I'm fine," I say with a tight smile. I bet he can see right through the lie. "Where's Minho and Alby?"

A dark shadow covers his face. "I don't know. They should have been back hours ago."

***

Ten minutes until the Doors close.

Inside my head, I was screaming. The other Runners had already returned - not like there were very many of them now - and yet the Keeper and the leader still weren't back. Newt kept running to the best of his ability from door to door, always returning to the East Door, where they had left in the morning.

For some reason, I felt the sudden urge to laugh. The whole situation was just laughable. Ever since that Greenie had turned up, everything had started going wrong.

Possibly, I was delirious. That seemed likely. All of the recent events had gone to my head.

I'm sitting at a table with Zart, George, and a few other Gladers, when Thomas abandons his table and joins Newt at the East Door - quickly followed by Chuck. Somehow, I know I should join them; for the second time, my friend's life was on the line, and I was doing nothing to help, sitting here consumed by fear.

There's only five minutes left until the Doors close when I reach them. I don't know what's been said, but I can tell there's some tension in the air. Chuck takes a quick, acknowledging glance at me before he speaks. "Newt won't say it, but if they're not back, they're dead. Minho's too smart to just get lost." After a moment's hesitation and one last look into the Maze, the younger boy turned around and walked off.

I knew firsthand this was likely; Minho had been mapping the Maze for three years. But I still didn't want to believe it, and saying it aloud made it more real... too real. Feeling light-headed, I grab Newt's hand and grip until my knuckles turn white. Unlike him, I could feel my temperature rising, as did my panic. Don't let it be true. Don't be true. Not Minho.

"He's right, Tommy," Newt says solemnly. "That's why we can't send anyone out there. We can't make things bloody worse than they already are and lose more lives."

I look down at the ground, not wanting to make eye contact with either of them.

"The Doors'll close in two minutes," Newt says, and the words hang in the air like a pronouncement of death.

He starts to walk away, back to the Homestead, and I trail behind him without letting go of his hand. I don't want to be there when those Doors close. I don't want to be there as - for the second night in a row - one of my friends gets forever trapped behind stone. I can't protect him this time. I try to think of the last time I spoke to Minho as we walk; just this morning, as he kicked the remains of Ben's bloodied shirt to the side, saying his goodbyes before running off into the depths of the labyrinth with Alby.

The sound of the Doors closing make my breath catch in my throat, and I stumble as I walk. Newt is there to help me up, and I can feel my hands shaking as he does so. We don't say a word. I can't bring myself to.

We had already made it to the Homestead when a voice shouted from across the Glade. "Newt! I can see them!"

We both swivel around at Thomas' cry for help, already turning back the way we came before the words had really sunk in. Normally, I would slow down to stay at Newt's pace, but I was fully healed, without a limp, and couldn't help it as I sprinted - almost doubling his speed - to the East Door.

I nearly ran into Thomas when I reached him, breathing double how loud I would normally after exercise, like someone had cranked my speaker up to full volume. I topple into him to support me standing upright, feeling panicked and worried in anticipation. But just as I get there, noticing for the first time the boys in the Maze and how Minho seemed to be carrying an unconscious Alby and subsequently collapsing to the ground, my support moves off. Forwards.

"Don't do it, Tommy! Don't you bloody do it!" Newt screams behind us.

But it was too late. I make one last effort to reach for Thomas' hand, shouting his name, but he slips through my grasp, squeezing through the Walls just before they shut and launching himself into the horrors of the Maze.

I collapse to my knees at the sound of stone against stone. That resounding shudder would mock me for the rest of my life. Listen to me, it taunts. Listen to all the times I take your friends from you forever.