What If | tmr, newt ✓

Chapter 20

The rest of the day was spent restlessly trying to fall asleep and being constantly monitored by the Med-jacks. I visited Minho, hobbling to his room on my one good leg, and he looked exhausted. There were bruises and scratches on his legs from where I dragged him, but apart from that and the dark circles under his eyes, I saw what everyone meant; he looked practically unscathed. I could tell there was a little part of him that was upset, though. He still joked, was still sarcastic - but his experience of running the maze wouldn't ever be the same.

All I wanted to do was recover, so I could get back to helping out. But with my right hand still very much in pain, I was pretty much useless. I couldn't write, get dressed, eat, or help the Med-jacks out with their job at all. After a couple days of resting, the Med-jacks let me go so I could shower. And then I realised I wouldn't be able to do that, either.

So Newt was called over just as the walls closed for the evening. I took him with my good hand and dragged him, both of us limping, to the back of the homestead, where the showers were. "Help me shower?"

He stares down at me, slightly confused but mostly impressed at how easily I managed to drag him into this. I take his answer as a yes and lock the door behind us.

The water is freezing as I step underneath it, clothes except my shoes still on and hugging my body as they gradually get soaked through. I tilt my head up and close my eyes, letting the water wash away the majority of blood and dirt from my skin. After a minute, I sense him step up behind me, and draw in a sharp breath when he wraps his arms around my waist, hugging me tight to him.

Shivering together, we stay like that until he pulls away to wash my hair for me, massaging my scalp and running his hands through the tangled knots. I look down as he does this, and see a mixture of soap, blood and water wash down the drain-hole. Evidence of battles cleansed from me forever.

When he finishes, I finally turn round to face him. He smirks at me when I realise he's been shirtless this whole time, and I just shake my head in disappointment. Not like I'm actually disappointed though.

Newt pulls me back into his embrace, and I drop my head onto his shoulder. He entwines the fingers of my good hand with his, and with his other arm makes sure I can't fall back. His hand underneath my shirt is the only warmth on my shivering back. I feel like crying, or laughing, or just staying here forever. I don't deserve someone as good as him.

Slowly, he moves his other hand from our sides and to my back as well. Shifting so I can look at him, I lift my arms above my head as our eyes lock, and he pulls my shirt up over the top of my head, discarding it on the ground, leaving me in just my shorts and sports bra, exhilarated from a fresh wave of numbing cold water.

My eyes keep surveying his face as he encircles my fragile wrists with his hands, careful not to touch my broken fingers. Broken. That's what I feel like, like someone who can't be touched. Who has to be nurtured back to life, to the girl she was before.

He carefully pulls my arms up and around the back of his head, where I leave them as he pulls me as close as possible to him and kisses me, extremely gently, as if asking if it's okay. It's only brief, and when he draws away I bury my head in his chest, refusing to cry.

Our clothes are soaked, but I couldn't care less. Stepping back slightly, my eyes on his all the time, I run my hand down his chest until they reach his waistband. I loop my fingers through one of his belt loops and pull him back to me, kissing him once again.

"If this was all you wanted, you should have just asked," he chuckles - after leaving me breathless - hands on my sides, leaving my back exposed and freezing. He finally takes them away and rests them on the sides of my face. "Shuck, your eyes are beautiful. You don't know what you've done to me, Addie."

I smile nervously, biting my lip.

"I just still can't tell if you're the same Addie I knew before," he whispers, hugging me close to him again.

"I might have gone through the Changing, but nothing's changed. I'm the same girl. And I still love you, Newt."

"Still? You did before?"

"I always have," I whisper, smiling as I admit the truth. "And I think I always will."