CHAPTER 20
"Are you coming back to him?"
Greg asked with a straight face. Tumalikod ito at muling humithit ng sigarilyo habang nakatingin sa bintana. He was weighing what I told him if I'm lying again or not. I lost his trust ever since I came back. Lalo na't nalaman niya na nabuntis muli ako at si Rake Alicante ang ama.
"It's all business and all about Rebecka. You know how much I've been longing to touch her as my child..." Umupo ako sa swivel chair na nasa harap niya.
I don't really have the power to control my life now. It depends on him; my decision and also my choice. He wouldn't let me do the same freaking mistake again. He would kill people I love if I did.
"At kapag nakalimutan mo itong pinag-usapan natin?" he trailed off then looked at me darkly. "Anong gagawin ko sa mga bata?"
"Wala," sagot ko ng diretso. "Dahil hindi ko sisirain ulit ang tiwala na binigay mo. Ikaw ang nagbigay sa akin kung anonng mayroon ako ngayon. Binihisan mo ako at inaruga. You even spoiled me, Greg. It was just, everything back there was out of control."
"Dahil hindi ka nakikinig sa mga sinasabi ko, Ericka. Ngayon, nag-uusap tayo ng matino at alam ko na kakampi kita pero paano kapag nakalimutan mo nanaman ang lahat? Paano ko malalaman kung tapat ka parin sa akin?" tanong niya ng sobrang lapit sa mukha ko.
I didn't blink. It was true. Para kay Rebecka lang naman ang pagbabalik ko. Hindi na para ba bigyan pa ako ng bato na ipupukpok sa aking ulo.
"You know my weakness," I told him at nag-iwas na ng tingin. "You can play your game so well, I can't win."
Lumakad si Greg sa harapan ko at hinawakan ang aking baba. I stood up nervously while not breaking my eye contact to him.
"Don't you fucking dare play your favorite game with me. Dahil kapag nalaman ko at pumalya ka, mawawalan ka ng lakas para mabuhay. Naiintindihan mo ba?" he caressed my cheek, smirking at me devilishly.
Greg always reminded me of Lucas, the one who took advantage of me when I was younger. They both saved me in such different ways. And they both helped to be the monster I am today. My mind wasn't in a good place lately, it was like switching on and off from something I couldn't remember. Good thing, my children's with me, they're my safe heaven. They pulled me out from the dark side of reality. I wanted to be a better person for them everyday. Kahit na alam ko, isang umaga, nagigising ako at iba ang trato sakanila.
I couldn't stop it. There was a time, it was winning over against me. Other time, I could conquer it. But how do I fight the monster that's within me? When it was lying inside my head, impatiently looking for my weak spot and waiting to take over my body?How do we run and save ourselves? When the first rival to defeat was you?
Tulala ako sa salamin na nasa harapan ko. It's been days since I talked to Greg about it. Hindi na ako makatulog ng maayos gabi-gabi. I choose to live in peace ever since I left Rake. Ngunit tila mapaglaro talaga ang tadhana, may mga bagay na kailangan kong balikan para maayos ang lahat.
I splashed the water on my face but when I popped my eyes open. I was in a different place, again.
I blinked twice nang tumama ang sinag ng araw sa mukha ko. I still feel I was in my dreaming state dahil sa kulay puti na kisame sa itaas ko. It was also unfamiliar.
Mayroon nakadagan na mabigat dito kaya hindi ko magalaw. Ngunit nawala ang lahat ng takot at kaba nang makita ko ang mukha ng batang nakahiga sa dibdib ko. It was my son, Prince. His hair was messy. It was the same as I remembered it.
