Romeo and Juliet but Borderlands (Handsome Jack x Rhys)

Act II, Scene III

The sun shone through the elegant stained glass of the town's most important church. It's the kind of church that royalty would be married at, with its towering, yet welcoming stone walls, and its luxurious garden, complimenting the many shades and colors of its glass. At this angelic setting, one could see the esteemed friar, Claptrap, toiling away at the garden, carrying with him a handmade basket of straw.

"Making me some meds, making me some meds. With these probably illegal plants, I'm making me some meds!" The silly little robot started dancing along to his own song, beat boxing. 

Jack entered in upon the scene, sighing, "Why does it always have to be a Claptrap?" He interjected as soon as the robot stopped break dancing, "Good morning, friar."

"Hello, minion!" Claptrap waved, dropping his basket of herbs, earning a glare from Jack, "You sure came here early; just like you probably do in bed! Zing!"

Jack cringed at the robot, who just kept on talking, "Wow, you sure look tired! Is it because of the stairs to this stupid church? I can't climb stairs either!" 

"Uh, no," Jack rubbed his temples, mumbling, "Why can't I deal with a loader bot for once? At least Innuendobot 5000?"

"Are you tired because you sinned?" Claptrap gasped, "Were you killing people and dumping them into that stream with all the dead bodies in it?! Or was that Captain Flynt? He tried to make me play dodge the blowtorch, you know! Me, of all people! To that I say HAHA, I am THE Claptrap and YOU are just some stinky meanie!"

Jack interrupted before the friar could ramble on, "That's besides the point, Claptrap. I-"

"Right! So, where have you been if you haven't been sinning?" Claptrap wondered, stroking his nonexistent chin thoughtfully. 

"Ok, that's it. Let me get to the point," Jack coughed and stood up straight, beginning, "I was at Commandant Steele's, that albino bitch, party and I actually found an Atlas family member that isn't gross!"

"Why would that matter? I mean, you are kinda gross yourself!" Claptrap pointed at Jack, and Steve 'heyoo'-ed in response. To this, Claptrap glared and shouted, "Shut the fuck up, Steve! And people say I'm annoying!"

Jack rolled his eyes at this display, so ready to just shoot the robot, "Ok, well, the point is, I'm in love with Steele's son. And to put it simply so that you idiotic piss-for-brains asshole can understand, I want you to marry us." 

Claptrap jumped up and down, ignoring the insults aimed towards him, "Oh boy, a wedding! Steve wouldn't let me do weddings anymore after that one incident with that microwave and the spoon!" He stop jumping and glared at Jack suddenly, "Wait a minute... Weren't you literally just in love with Nisha?"

"What? How did you even know about that?" Jack gave the robot a strange look.

Claptrap pulled out a tabloids magazine out of nowhere, the cover depicting Jack sobbing because of Nisha not loving him back or whatever, "Because it says so on this magazine!"

"Those are just... rumors..." Jack tried to snatch the magazine away, failing. 

Claptrap interpolated, opening the magazine and displaying the accusing page, "Nope! It has an interview with you right here!" He pointed at one of Jack's quotes, "It says here that, 'I'm so hopelessly in love with Nisha that I might actually cry,'! Explain that, buster!"

"Um, I'm pretty sure I've never said that..." Jack snatched the magazine from the robot's clamps, reading the incriminating article, "Wait a minute... This is just propaganda from Atlas!" He whispered to himself, "Damn, they were pretty spot on with that last part though..."

"Atlas!" Claptrap groaned, "I hate Atlas! One time that Vasquez tried to dump me into a corrosive barrel! That's it!" Claptrap leaned in, failing his attempt at a hushed voice, "I'll marry you two, BUT only because I'm tired of Atlas playing these games. HAHA! If you two are married then they can bully me no more! Peace between Atlas and Hyperion!"

Jack slowly backed away from Claptrap, "Great... So, we have a deal then?"

"Sounds good to me, minion!" Claptrap jumped up and down, promptly returning to picking his herbs whilst beat boxing, leaving behind a flabbergasted Jack.

"Right. Bye, then, you friggin' weirdo," Jack put his hands in his pockets as he left the church. 

A/N: So! You may be wondering why I cast Claptrap as the Friar Lawrence! To that, I answer, because I wanted to! Hope ya'll had a wonderful Thanksgiving and next time I swear I'll try to update sooner!