Read It And Weep (Anthony Rizzo)

Twenty Four~ Not Broken

Anthony

"Anthony it's 2 am, you should really get home" Hannah insists as we sit in the hospital. Her brother was started chemo today and I know how awful that was, especially the first time around, so I was there for him to answer questions and to take his mind off of things.

"I can't leave him now" I insist.

"I'm gonna stay and do some work, you should go rest before your game tomorrow" she claims.

"Are you trying to get rid of me" I tease.

"Not this time" she smirks and I laugh.

"I'm good, really. I think I have a day off tomorrow anyway so I'm not going to play unless I'm needed off the bench" I explain.

She nods as she lets out a sigh. "Alright. You don't mind if I get on my laptop, do you" she asks. "It's kinda bright."

"Not at all" I assure her.

She pulls out her laptop and sets it on the table next to her. She starts to type and I couldn't help but ask. "I thought you said you're quitting The Tribune" I ask.

"I am" she replies.

"Okay... so what are you working on then" I wonder.

"I'm sending emails to some people about starting up my own sports reporting website" she explains.

I smile big because I knew this is something important to her and I'm happy she took my advice and was working on herself. "How is that going" I question.

She turns to me with a questionable look on her face. "Why are you asking" she counters.

"Because I care" I defend.

"You really shouldn't" she warns.

"I really do" I argue.

She just stares at me as she tries to figure out what was happening and what she does next. "It's called The Go Ahead. Kind of like a go ahead run or go ahead goal or go ahead basket, something that's putting us ahead.

I reached out to some college friends and colleagues around town and we had a sit down not too long ago about getting this started. They agreed to help me start a website and a app for the paper. I have some co-owners to help me pay and set everything up. There's a lot still in the talks, who will be writing, how we're going to pay for this, what message we're trying to send. But for the most part it's happening" she explains.

"Does the tribune know" I wonder.

"Nope. I haven't even turned in my two weeks yet. But I don't want to end that until I know this is real. No matter what I'm leaving there, I can't stand that place. Where it was once my dream to work there it became a nightmare. And it's not that I don't want to have a boss or even that I can't work with men.

I can't work for a man who doesn't know how to use his voice and I can't work with people who only pay attention to what I'm saying because they think I'm pretty. I keep saying that in order to get better we have to change, and this is that change" she explains.

I nod my head in agreeance with her. She wasn't wrong, sports articles seem to be getting worse and worse by the days. It's the same stories over and over again because people are afraid to find new story lines. She doesn't want to be a part of it and I don't blame her. But to challenge major newspapers and start like this is going to be hard.

"Are you still going to be with the Cubs" I ask carefully as she smirks at me.

"What? Worried you're gonna miss me" she teases.

"Maybe" I admit.

I see her blush a little before turning back to the laptop. "I'm working on staying on beat for the rest of the season, hopefully longer. With The Go Ahead being in the beginning stages they might not want new people around their team but if I stay and since you guys know me I'm hoping they won't mind. And with this season going so well I think it'll help the organization to be covering this team. But the baseball section is called No Doubter and I already got most of it set up. I'm still waiting to hear from a few people and finish up with licenses but I'll be there" she explains.

"Good. Because I like it a lot better with you around" I admit. She just smiles at me as she finally stops for a second.

"I'm not going to leave you. Ask my brother, when I do something I do it with all my heart. I couldn't leave you guys even if I was forced to" she defends.

"What if it's not up to you" I challenge.

"Then I'll fight. I've done it my whole life, this wouldn't be any different" she claims.

I just watch her as she continues to type away on her laptop. I carefully grab it and take it from her as she starts to pout. "This time is different, you know why" I ask her.

"No" she admits.

"Because I'm not letting you put everything on your chest. That kind of weight would crush you, you get that? What's happening to you right now is not your problem. If you want to make waves like this then you have to let some other people help you out. You don't have to do it by yourself" I assure her.

"I don't know how to accept help. I don't know how to ask for it and I sure as hell work better when I'm by myself" she says reaching for the laptop.

"I'm not going to tell you to change because I don't want you to change. I don't want you to feel like you have to change who you are in order for this to work.

But you have to let people help you" I beg.

"And what if they can't" she questions.

"And what if I can" I counter.

The room fills with silence as I realize what I said. This wasn't about me and I wasn't trying to make it about me but this... it was huge for her and so many people and if she tries to put this on herself it's going to crush her. There's no way it doesn't.

"I don't want you to try and fix me" she claims.

"I can't fix what's not broken" I assure her.

"Feels broken" she sighs.

"Bent maybe. But not broken" I assure her.

"I just... I want it all to end" she whispers.

"I know you do Han. But this is all far from over. In fact this is just the beginning. If you let me... I would love to see what I can do to help you. You said that you weren't giving up on me and my dream and I don't want to give up on you and yours" I explain.

"I don't think my heart can handle any more than it has. I don't see how you can help me at this point" she argues.

"Let me try" I beg.

"Okay" she sighs. "I'll try."