Thirty Four~ More Than I Can Be

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Hannah

I'm not all that big on celebrating my birthday, they've always been kinda a let down for me. All I ever wanted was to see my parents growing up but they never came by. Not even on my birthday. They stopped sending cards and calling and I gave up hope that I'll have the family I wanted. I gave up wishing that they would come back to see how much I've grown. To help Manny out with chemo. To be a part of our lives even though they missed out on so much.

But those birthday wishes are gone. Most wishes really, anything I ever really wanted I go out and get for myself. That's how I was raised. If there's something I want the only person stopping me from getting it is me. Sure that mindset has gotten me into a little bit of trouble. Nothing like a 12 year old me pleading a case to have a cell phone to her technology impaired grandparents and it actually working. But it made life a little easier too because I wasn't afraid to make things happen.

It also made birthdays a little harder because most things I wanted I got for myself. No one knew what to get me because I stopped asking for stuff when I was in middle school. But I still like to hang out with friends and family and go out to eat for my birthday. That way they don't feel bad for getting me nothing and I get a free meal.

So I pull on a nice summer dress and leave my hair down for once

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So I pull on a nice summer dress and leave my hair down for once. I even give it some curl and life to it since I had the time. After I put on jewelry and makeup I was ready for a night out.

I drive over to Chicago Cut and meet my grandparents, Manny and Anthony there. Anthony was pretty much a part of this family now and I hate to say that I'm thankful he was. He made my family feel whole again and I'm lucky Manny reached out to him.

I walk over to everyone who was waiting for me because if it wasn't for work I was rarely on time. I take my seat between Manny and Anthony and look over the menu. I feel a pair of eyes on me and I look up to see Anthony just smiling at me, showing off as many teeth as he can. For some reason he made me feel so beautiful, for the first time in my life, and it's a weird feeling but a good one nonetheless. My cheeks start to get hot as I turn back to the wine selection. My eyes drift back to him to see him still staring. Nothing but his big brown eyes looking me over and over again.

"Why are you looking at me like that" I finally ask. I knew better to ask the questions I'm scared to know the answer to. But I needed to know why he was staring at me like I was the only person in this room full of people.

"Just admiring you, that's all" he claims.

A small smile fights its way onto my face as I let out a sigh. I couldn't even hide my feelings anymore... I'm losing it. "Well you're drooling a little" I tease making him chuckle. He finally turns to his menu and I do too.

We figure out what we wanted to drink and eat and put our orders in. They take away the menus and we enjoy a beautiful night.

"It's September now and it's almost time for football and hockey, are you excited" my grandpa asks me.

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