The Weeping One (MXW)

Darkness

***Aubrey's POV***

***Violence, sexual assault, trigger warning****

I'm expected to just accept this. ALL of this. Pain, loss and suffering just seems to follow me. I know there has to be a reason. The gods can't possibly be laughing at my expense.

My family wants me to have a funeral. But, I just can't. I can't sit and watch others weep at borrowed memories, watch as false sympathy fills their Kleenex. In the end, not many were there for my mom. Why should I soothe their guilt with closure?

Instead, I had my mother cremated and buried her ashes in a rose bush, at her request. I lie awake at night silently wondering if I did enough. Did I make her feel as special as she was to me? The answer I know is yes.

However, doubts always fill my mind. I continuously analyze each step and try to reassure myself I did it as well I was capable.

I find the death certificate to be a slap in the face. This piece of paper haunts me.

Complications of Pancreas Cancer

I scoff.

Cancer my ass.

Complications of stress. Complications of abandonment. Complications of Depression. Complications of a broken heart.

Those are the complications that lead to my mother's death. She lost her will to live.

I don't blame her. I feel my self slipping into my own darkness. Too many people need me, so I try to stay afloat. I wish I could talk to someone. But, alas they are too filled with empty words of condolences.

If I hear Everything happens for a reason or She is in a better place one more time, I may snap.

I know these things. They aren't comforting. Let me cry, let me scream, let me weep for the loss I have suffered.

I walk out my door, wrapped in my coat headed towards my place. I need to breathe. This house of death is suffocating. I nick named it the Bates Motel. Sick I know. Once you check in, you can't check out. Alive!

Ok, so maybe I'm not handling this well. Cut me some slack.

I find myself walking deep into the forest. Wishing anyone could comfort me. I lean against the tree, warm tears trail down my face, as I realize just how alone I really am.

Just once, something good could happen to me. I wish I had someone to love. I wish I had a purpose. I have always taken care of my mom. Being without her, I feel useless.

I must have fallen asleep under the blanket of stars. The moon shining down upon my soft features.

A twig snapping startled me from my spontaneous slumber. I look around. No one is there. The stench of alcohol assaults my nose, as I hear screams in the distance.

My body stands alert. I rush towards the violent sounds of thrashing and crying. The closer I get, I make out the sound of a man. I hear a teenage girl begging.

"Please, don't" she pleads.

"Shut the fuck up, it won't help you." He barks.

Bile raises in my throat as adrenaline floods my senses. I run towards the offender, hoping to distract him and save her.

I grab a stick on my way towards the crime scene. Immediately, I swing at the drunken slob who is trying to violate the poor child. He falls, backwards and lands on my frame.

I scream at the girl.

"RUN!"

She willingly leaves.