The Weeping One (MXW)

Oh, Baby

I'm growing uncomfortably large. I waddle. I struggle to sleep. Heartburn is a bitch. All the while I thank god for my little secret angel.

I'm not sure how I got to this point. But, suddenly I'm excited. A baby to love. Someone to nurture. The circumstances are a bit dark but, nonetheless I got a gift from my life, finally.

I'm nearing my 41st week. Technically I'm overdue. But, the doctor says she will come when she's ready. I trust him.

At my last check up they said I was dilating. My cervix was starting to soften. It shouldn't be long now.

I thought about telling someone. But, I'm too selfish. I don't want to explain what happened. I don't want to share my angel. Instead I have been preparing, a very little, for my sweet baby's homecoming. I didn't buy much and I have lied at work.

I concocted a story that I was a surrogate. I know it was wrong but I just can't face the truth at this moment. Eventually, I will come clean. Today is not that day.

I left work for the day, having a feeling of restlessness. Five o'clock came too late. My body was aching. I felt pressure everywhere. I felt really nauseated.

I fell asleep and woke at five am. Pain cinched my back and I was panting. I decided on a warm bath. I decided on a few more warm baths. It made the pain much easier.

I called the doctor around seven pm. My stomach was hurting and I thought I may have appendicitis from the pain. He told me I was in labor. I was a little shocked.

I got to the hospital twenty minutes later, driving myself was difficult. My hands clenched the steering wheel as contractions dragged thru my abdomen and back.

Once at the emergency room they took me straight to labor and delivery. I was hooked up to fetal doplars, heart monitors, iv's, a catheter was placed to relieve my bladder. I was in so much pain they could have shot me and I would have welcomed the relief.

I was already dilated to a seven so there was nothing to do but wait. They asked if I would call anyone but, I declined. The contractions were horrible. I puked more than I would like to admit.

I was excited to welcome my daughter into this world. I tried to focus on that thru the pain. Nothing is a good distraction when you feel like a walrus and you feel like your body is being ripped from the inside out.

Slowly I dilated to a ten. A gruesome 4 hours had passed and the pain had reached unbearable levels. I was holding the hand of a male nurse and begging him to stay. He smelt divine. I probably shouldn't have noticed in my current situation. But, rationality was far from my friend at that point.

He stayed with me the whole time. He held my hand, rubbing circles on my wrist as he cooed words of encouragement. I was thankful for my stranger angel. He was really providing comfort in those moments.

I offered him to leave to attend to other patients, although I secretly hoped he would decline. Much to my pleasure he promised to see me thru my birthing process. He continued to talk me thru the gut wrenching contractions. He fed me ice chips and patted my head with a cool wet cloth. I would find a way to thank him later.

I was embarrassed at my lack of control during the contractions. At one point I bit his hand. He laughed and didn't even flinch. I managed to dislodge the side rail from the bed during another. The nurse now stood as my encourager and protector. Lord knows I didn't want to fall on the floor.

The time came to push and my savior angel guided me along. I pushed for a couple hours. Finally, the head was crowning. I saw the look on the doctors face as he was helping me along. He explained he needed to cut me, in my intimate area. I agreed. What could it hurt?