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Lying in my bed, my thoughts clouded, dreary and just wholly insensible. I'd already taken the pill thirty minutes prior so the effects were finally setting in and there was nothing else to do but enjoy the aftermath.
The beautiful album CTRL permeates through my body and the LED bulbs change to a different hue every second. Captivated by the ceiling, it's a delirious awe I'm stuck in.
This is exactly what I lived for.
I sing along slightly, not fully able to get the words out. This feeling only when high is everything to me; There's no way to describe it but simply euphoric.
The bulk of my days are spent just like this, waking up to pull myself together from whatever I'd had the night before, going to school for everyone to ride my dick, then back home to repeat the cycle. If I'm being honest life couldn't get any better and quite frankly I couldn't be mad at it.
However I couldn't lie and say other factors didn't stop greatness for me, my mother. She was never not home so if she didn't know what I was doing, she damn sure hadn't said anything to me about it. Maybe the chances were slim to none of me getting caught because I'm the middle child.
I will say that I do question myself a lot about my habits because they aren't sustainable but that's future me's problem not now me. Because surprisingly it hasn't taken its toll on me yet and event hough I would like it to stay that way, I'm one hundred percent sure it'll beat me in the long run.
Nevertheless my life is extraordinary to most if not all... exceptional and loving family, more than stable financially, it's a wonder I am the way I am. The simple fact is I have no idea what I'm living for and it's not because I don't care about my life or that my people don't care either because trust me they do, it's just that I don't have anything for me to truly stand out.
I don't play a sport, arts and crafts would laugh if I said that's my hobby, and music isn't my specialty either. I needed to find something that I alone excel at and that might be writing but I'll never know for sure. I don't believe I'm the best and I do try to create pieces every once in a while, poems I'd call them.
All this thinking is blowing my high, we'll try again tomorrow.
