Dear Jeremy

Stubborn

Just the thought that my period was late frightened me. Normally If it was late I never panicked because I knew it was just stalling and playing games. But this was different I don't know why but I was scared.
I had to go do my friend Kody mama hair. She one of those friends who you barely talk to but when y'all talk it's like ya talk everyday. When I finished me and her ran out to the store. While we was there I grabbed a double pack of tests cause I was puzzled on where my period was. Kody laughed and told me I was paranoid but something just didn't feel right. We get back to her house and I was just sitting in the bathroom contemplating. Then I took out the first test and finally peed on it.
As I sat there waiting for the results my stomach was just twisting and turning. I didn't know what was to come and I couldn't shake the feelings inside. What could it possibly say. I sat there lost in my thoughts when the timer went off. My stomach twisted and turned even more at this point. I picked up the test and couldn't believe my eyes. Positive. I just started crying I knew the test wasn't lying. It couldn't be, why me.. Not now. Kody knocks on the door and asks me "Is everything okay?" I pull myself together and respond back "yeah girl, it's taking me forever to pee. I put the test back in the box and leave the bathroom. She asks me what happened, I tell her it was negative Mother Nature just slacking. She laughs and tells me she told me so but she really didn't know.
When I got home I was in total disbelief. I walk through the door and first person I see Jeremy. I walk past him quickly and go to my room. So may thoughts in my head I don't know where to start. I just couldn't be pregnant. Especially with us not talking how would that look. It's so much going on and it's only getting worse. I'm sitting here thinking like nawh your bugging Nae. So I hurry and drink this bottle of water then I hop up and run to the basement bathroom hoping to not run into anyone. I peed on the stick hoping for a different result but all I did was give myself false hope. Another fucking positive.
What are we going to do with a baby. I'm only 17 and I'm definitely not ready for this. Neither one of us are. Yeah we are capable but no we are not ready. Most importantly how am I going to tell him. It's already been tension between us. We wouldn't even look at each other without mugging each other. What if he denies my baby? What if he thinks I'm lying? What if. No it's not about him but what if. At this point I wouldn't even know how to handle it I can barely focus just thinking about it. I went and sat in my room and cried. Cried my fucking eyes out cause why was this happening at a time I was feeling my lowest. He already acting differentlybecause he got a new bitch. She'd probably escalate this and he'd probably go with whatever she said. To not like me is one thing but that don't matter cause it's about the baby. We won't know the reaction until I tell. I can't tell him now the time just not right. I'll tell him eventually but for right now i gotta brainstorm and try to make sense of this. Okay Nae chill dont panic. We can; Have the baby and co parent, Put the baby up for adoption, I can have the baby and go on about my life without telling him its his. I can run the fuck away and go from there, I can get an abortion
Its so many option for me and i have faintest idea of which one is best. Although we are not speaking i still dont wanna make this be worse then it is.

So many options and no help. I shouldve got over myself and told him but me being stubborn and not knowing how it was going to go i was a complete nervous wreck cause why was this happening to me. I had all these people around me and I only wanted to tell him and i couldn't even be woman enough to do that.