metanoia | alec lightwood

12

"Hey, redhead." I walked over to Clary where she stood next to her floating mother, her arms crossed, "How's your mom?"

Clary inhales deeply, "The same, I guess."

"I don't know how we're gonna wake her up- but, we will." I place my hands on my hips, "I can't exactly knock her awake, so-"

"Zee-" Clary's voice stopped me, as I looked at her, "I know you and I don't always see eye to eye on things-"

"Actually, we never see eye to eye on anything." Clary corrects herself, facing me completely, "But- I do want to thank you for everything you've done to get my mom back. Especially- since everything you have gone through is probably ten times worse."

I face her, staying silent.

"Forgetting your family- and realizing the one person you thought was your family was the cause of that- I can't imagine what that must feel like." Clary presser her hands together, "So- thank you, for helping me even despite everything."

"Actually- I should be thanking you." I forced myself to quietly blurt out, looking down, "I don't know what would have happened to me after the trial if you hadn't returned the Cup."

"Not that I would've cared, but-" I looked back up st her, "But, thanks anyway."

"Yeah, my whole world turned upside down, but, um, you and I thanking each other-" Clary began to smile, chuckling softly, "That's- that's too much."

"Yeah, no kidding." I scoff lightly, putting my hair behind my ears, "If you tell anyone I thanked you- I'll kill you myself."

Clary only smiled, "Noted."

Then, Alec's voice filled our ears from behind us, "Uh- I'm looking for Lydia?"

"Oh, how did you know that I wanted to punch somebody?" I faced him, looking at him with unamused eyes, "If you find her, send her my way- will you?"

I was being so hostile because of his wedding that was coming up. It infuriated me.

Alec's eyes linger with mine, as I turned and walked away from the both of them.

Alec's quick footsteps were right behind me, "Zee-"

I kept walking, down the hall and towards my room, wanting to avoid this conversation more than anything.

Alec grabbed my wrist and makes me face him in the empty hall way, "What's going on?"

"You tell me, future Mr. Branwell." I ripped my wrist from Alec's touch, "If I knew I could marry people I've known for two seconds, I would've proposed to Jace!"

I said that just to spite him.

"I'm getting married." Alec looked between my eyes, as if my words had wounded him, "We're Shadowhunters- marriage is about family, and tradition, honor-"

"Honor? That's rich." I cut him off, crossing my arms, "Where's the honor in living a lie?"

Alec swallowed, "What are you talking about?"

"I can't believe I'm actually saying these words, but- what about love?" I shot at him, feeling frustrated with him.

My voice fell quiet and slightly vulnerable for just a moment, "I mean- everyone falls in love one point in their life, right?"

I clear my throat, recovering quickly, "So, tell me- are you in love with Lydia?"

Alec stares into my eyes, "I don't know."

"One day, you're going to regret this." I looked down, "You'll realize that it's not always about family- that sometimes it's about you- about how you feel."