metanoia | alec lightwood

17

"Zee." I heard an all too familiar voice from outside the cell I sat in at the City of Bones.

I immediately stood at the sound of Alec's voice, my eyes falling onto him.

"What're you doing here-" I walked over to him, looking at Brother Enoch, "Take him out-"

"No-" Alec shook his head, "I'm not going anywhere- I need to know if you're gonna be okay."

I didn't want him to see me like this.

"Alec, you need to go." My hands gripped the bars that separated us, "You shouldn't be here."

"Well, I am." Alec put a hand over mine, making my heart leap, "What can I do to help?"

I remain silent.

"I can't just sit here and do nothing while you sit in here for the wrong reasons." Alec presses, "Please- I'll do anything."

"You really wanna know? Okay." I exhale deeply, looking down, "You can stay the hell away from me."

Alec's expression dropped, "What?"

"No matter what happens, never come near me again." I pulled my hand from under his.

Alec looked wounded, "Zee, what are you talking about? You and I- we-"

"I am Valentine's weapon." I emphasized, "Do you really think he's just gonna let me go?"

"He knows that you-" I swallowed hard and forced the words out that I didn't want to admit, "You're my weakness, and he uses that to his advantage."

"My father might've been wrong about a lot of things, but he wasn't wrong about the fact that being around you- and everyone else- has made me soft." I stared at Alec, "And I won't let him use you guys as leverage- if I ever get out of here, I'm going to end up staying here- and then he'll be back again."

"Let him come- I'm not afraid." Alec held his voice steady, "We'll fight him off together."

"There is no together for you and I, Alec." My own words hurt me but not as much as the look on his face, "There never can be."

Alec looked like his entire world had shattered right in front of him, "Don't say that-"

"Alec, he wanted me- and because of me was Jace roped into my mess- and now? We're both sitting in cells." I looked down, holding back small tears, "He's gonna be back and he's going to hurt all of you- because you're close to me- because you changed me- because you guys gave me enough confidence to defy him- and I don't think I can bear that kind of pain."

"Zee-" Alec sounded broken by my words.

"We're done here." I looked at Brother Enoch, stepping back, looking back at Alec, "I'm sorry."

"Zee, no-" Alec's eyes had a glossy sheet over them, before he was escorted away, his eyes glued to me until he couldn't see me any longer.

-

I looked up from where I sat, Alec suddenly in front of my cell once more, this time without Brother Enoch.

"Alec-" I got up, "I told you-"

"I know you said to stay away, but-" Alec inhales deeply, "I can't- I can't be away from you."

"Why don't you get it- why can't you understand?" I walked over to the bars, "You being near me is a risky and I'm not willingly putting you in danger-"

"We'll figure it out." Alec grabbed my hand through the bars, pressing his forehead against the metal, his breath fanning against my face, "Don't be afraid."