✔︎ Sakura's Moronic Best Friends (1/2)

Chapter 10; A Show Called Life

'Therapy,' Sakura thought idly to herself. 'Yes. That's it. I need therapy. And possibly a producer for a reality TV show.'

Because Kami only knew that this kind of shit just didn't happen to normal people. This shit only seemed to happen to Sakura when she came into contact with moronic males. Which, incidentally, included everyone in her fucking life.

And Kami only knew how much a reality show like this would make. Why, the looks and prestige the men around her had would be enough to pay off her college debt and set her up for life, she just knew it. It didn't even matter what any of them did - it would sell no matter what. And the amount of testosterone Sakura came into contact with on a daily basis would only add to their appeal to the opposite sex. They oozed sex appeal and alpha male-ness.

Especailly Shisui and Hidan, who were currently on the floor, in what looked like a hair pulling contest.

She should really get Kakuzu in on this deal. She bet the man even knew some people they could call to set this deal up. Kami knew Kakuzu would be on the idea faster than a shark to bloody meat once he picked up on the scent of the possible money this idea could make.

"WHAT THE FUCK WERE YOU DOING ON THE COUCH WITH THE BITCH, PANSEY FACE! THE ONLY ONE WHO'S FUCKING GETTING ON TOP OF HER WILL BE ME!"

"DON'T MAKE ME LAUGH-" Hidan's hand pushed Shisui's face into the ground, smothering his words together and flattening his cheek to the floor. His red eyes swirled chaotically as he moved faster than sound and pined Hidan beneath him. "SAKURA-CHAN WAS ON TOP OF ME, YOU BASTARD. SHE OBVIOUSLY KNOWS WHAT TO LOOK FOR IN A MAN!"

Don't say it, Sakura repeated like a mantra in her head. Don't you dare say it. It's not the time, nor the place-

Sakura snorted. "Really, Shisui? You're both on the ground currently pulling each other's hair like girls during a catfight, and you're telling me that you're the man I've been looking for?" she deadpanned, giving him a no-shit look.

She said it.

Hidan grinned maniacally at her from his position on the floor. Sakura prayed with every fiber of her body that Kakuzu would show up soon. "YOU TELL HIM, YOU FINE ASS BITCH!" He turned back to Shisui. "THE BITCH KNOWS WHAT TO REALLY LOOK FOR IN A MAN, AND SHE'D NEVER BE WITH A GIRLY-ASS WIMP LIKE YOU!"

Sakura just shot him an incredulous look, thinking back to Naruto and Sasuke and their bondage incident and how it eerily mirrored the position Shisui and Hidan were currently in.

She could so make money off of this shit. Fangirls liked straight men with vaguely homosexual tendencies, didn't they?

A vaguely cat screeching sound came from the Shisui and Hidan pile on the floor. No, she didn't know who made it.

Currently, Sakura was leaning on the arm of the couch, one leg crossed over the other idly as she watched two of the moronic men in question tussle it out on the nice tiled floor. She had one hand propped up under her chin, watching them both with clinically detached emerald eyes.

She sighed.

Really, she wasn't sure how it had escalated to this point. At one point, she had been on top of Shisui in an awkward position which wasn't her damn fault. She blamed Shisui for it all, and then there was Hidan in the doorway, unable to fully see her and Shisui because of where the couch lined up with the doorframe, but could see enough to understand that there were two people on the couch in what appeared to be an intimate position, and after deducing that one of the two people was Sakura -based on her cherry pink hair- and tendrils of inky black hair that hung over the end of the couch that could only belong to someone with Uchiha blood, well, Hidan was his usual self and flipped some shit.