It's Just Living | c.h

1- Dead

When the mist clears and you see a light, you think it's over, but you couldn't be any more far from wrong. Because after that mist has gone and the light is burning your eyes you have to face what's after the light. But it's not the fighting that is hard, it's the thoughts that your mind couldn't wait to exploit. If your enemies lets you get beaten down then you need a bullet proof vest for your mind. But this proof vest can only last for a certain amount of time before the bullet spirals to your heart. Build a wall, right in front of your heart. Don't let anyone in. Don't let them see that you can feel things. Because if you let people in, you are letting people brake you. Don't let them. It's just a trick.

Concentration. This is the hardest, how do you concentrate on something when you can't even concentrate on breathing. That's another thing, control. Control is something that doesn't come along many times, because control is for the strong. Your only strong when the smile you make is real. And mine is far from real. Do you even know the pain that comes over me when I try to smile. It hurts. Like most things I guess. But it still hurts none the less.

Be fooled by our "I'm fines" and "it's okay", we don't want to think about it. Just pretend to enjoy our company. Pretend to concentrate on a word we say. Pretend to be here.

This pain has no end and no solution. Don't fall in love because everything that falls brakes. There is no good in goodbye. There is a hell in hello and a pain in smile. Just don't

What happened? What's going on? Are you okay?

Hm. What happened? My life stopped in a split second and my body is left, limb and emotionless. What's going on? Nothing. Just nothing. And if there was, what could you do? Tell me it will be okay? I can't believe anymore lies. Am I okay? I guess, somewhere deep deep down there is a glimpse of hope. Hope. Hope is an illusion.

"Life is a camera, focus on what's important, if it goes wrong take another shot and capture what's important"

But what if the camera is broken and you can't focus. What is when I take it wrong everything changes so I can't take another chance? What is what's important isn't there anymore? What if...

How did it get this way. How did my emotions get so strong that they get blotted out? How have they become so strong that I can't take it anymore. It's not an illusion, it's a messed up future we all end up having. What if I don't want to end up having this hell I live in? What if I don't want this life? Who can help me. Anyone? Please? .... No one.

The echoes in my head is like a death sentence. A death with the most pain. You know when you ask yourself how you want to die? I bet your answer is of old age or courageously. Well it won't be. What if you end up dying in a fire from your hair straighteners? Or die from weakness? What if you die without wanting to.

Well, I'm already dead. I'm already that limp useless body everyone eventually forgets. Sure, it hurts to see everyone slip away, but that's what happens. What can you do?

Even though you think all is lost, it's not. You still have your life to loose. But they take that too. Every burning comment they say burns another whole in your body. The searing pain after the whole has been made comes in a short period of time and that pain is something you will never forget. And you know why? Because you let your walls down for them. And now your just walking around in the rubble wondering when everything went wrong.