His daughter (Austin Carlile)

2

Erika

*6 years later (13 years old)*

I sat in the back of the classroom quiet. I just wanted the end of the day bell to ring already.

Although I wanted out of this hell hole, I most certainly didn't want to go back to the other hell hole also known as the orphanage. Where hopeless kids with hopeless dreams go when their parents are either dead or don't want them. In my case it's both.

My mom died when I was six and my dad is an alcoholic who didn't want me from the start. Sad isn't it? I stared towards the front of the classroom to make it seem like a was paying attention when in reality I was failing English and I wasn't listening to Ms. Pell drone on and on about literature and assigned essays.

My eyes were on one girl, her name was Farrah. She was the nicest girl in my grade. Always wanted to help me out and be my partner. But I wasn't admiring her. No. That's creepy. I was noticing the change. She wasn't as enthusiastic as she usually was. Her whole demeanor changed.

My thoughts were distracted by a bell and I grabbed my stuff and ran out of there fast. I started making my journey back home and sighed. I felt a tap on my shoulder and turned around to see Farrah. "Hi Farrah how are you?" I asked. She smiled, but you could see straight through it. Well I could, it was purely obvious to me.

"I'm ok Erika thanks and you?" I shrugged and continued walking with her by my side. We continued talking until I came to my stop and hers was a little further. "It was nice talking to you Erika." She said as she walked away.

I knew she wouldn't talk to me in school besides English, lets face it, the entire grade was against me. Labeled as the emo who worships satan (even though I kept my promise and prayed every night TO GOD.) It hurts. A lot. But I can't show them that I'm hurt because they'll think I'm weak. Erika Tanner is not weak! I am strong. A strong teenager who won't take people's shit. I stood there on the front steps of the other hell that I lived in.

I was the oldest of the 6 kids and 2 babies. Everyone that came either wanted a baby or a small enough child to not realize their being adopted. I have fully accepted the fact that i'll be here till I'm 18. No body wants a 13 almost 14 year old. But then again no body here liked me as it is.

You might ask 'why don't you just run away Erika?' The answer to that is that I'm scared. I don't want to leave unless I'm going to a new home that i'll love. "VISITOR TODAY!!" Katie yelled as everyone scrambled out of their rooms I took my sweet time to even take the effort to get up because I knew I wouldn't be picked.

Everyone was in a line and I stood at the end in skinnies and band shirt. Typical outfit. The couple that walked in was considerable young. No more than 30 guaranteed.

"Hi I'm Katie I take care of the children here, do you want to have a look?"

Don't get me wrong I loved Katie but she made it seem like a fucking auction and I hated it. The couple bent down in front of Rosie. She was 3 and had been here her whole life.

"What's your name sweetheart?" The woman asked. Rosie just sucked her thumb and stood there.

"Rosie." But it came out as 'wosie' because of her young mouth. "I'm tree." She held up 4 fingers instead of three and the couple laughed. "Well Rosie what do you say you come home with us?" Rosie lit up. But she quickly frowned and looked at me.

"But I miss wika." She couldn't ever pronounce my name right so she always called me 'wika' I wasn't complaining though. "I'll be fine." I confessed. The couple looked at me and back at her. Rosie jumped into the new mothers arms and went along with them as they went to go fill out and collect paper work.

I knew they would pick her. How can you see her and say no? There's no answer because you can't. She reminds me so much of my little kid version. I made my way back up to my room and sat on my bed. I lost hope a long time ago when I realized that every visit was purely for the younger kids.

I came here when I was 8 which is still to old for most people. But I realized that I'm not getting adopted any time soon and that was 5 years ago. Is there ever really any hope. I've become so insecure with who I am I somehow think it effects most people's decisions.

I have dark hair that swoops to the side and covers one eye a lot and I listen to "scary" music. I was tired from today and just wanted to go to bed and sleep. I washed up and changed my clothes before kneeling down in front of my bed holding my cross necklace and praying. Whispering the same prayer I say every night,
"Forgive my sins, keep my family safe, please for me I love them more then anything."