Safety Net

33

Jo woke up that morning, a pounding headache from crying through the night. She let out a breath, seeing Hazel asleep in bed next to her surrounded in pillows- in Alex's spot. He was working the night, which only made her dream that much more realistic. She scooped her up, holding her close to her chest despite her whines. She hadn't had a night terror since the day after Hazel was born. She thought she was healing- overcoming the fear- just like everyone else did.

"Oh, Hazel..." She gasped for air. She couldn't get out any more words after that. She sobbed into her daughters hat, rocking back and forth. She laid down. She held Hazel close still. Alex will be back soon. Just go back to sleep. But she couldn't. No matter how much she told herself to, no matter how hard she tried. She couldn't go back to sleep.

///

6 am. Alex came home. He dropped his bag at the front door. He walked closer to the bed with a smile, which soon faded. Jo was asleep with tear stained cheeks. Hazel was beside her, awake and holding onto one of her mother's fingers. She was quivering her lip, on the verge of tears. Jo had fed her at three, so she was right on schedule.

He rushed toward the bed. He picked Hazel up, careful not to disturb Jo. It was clear she had a rough night. He stroked her cheek "Jo.." He muttered under his breath sadly. She looked so upset, yet peaceful. She always looked peaceful when she slept. His frowned deeped as he saw her eyes slowly open. "Go back to sleep. I've got her." He rubbed her arm. He wanted to ask what happened, but he knew well enough. She nodded and closed her eyes.

Alex stood and walked to the kitchen. He warmed up the milk Jo had pumped prior to now. He bounced Hazel and said, "You're okay, Hazel basil." in attempts to calm her. He poured the milk into a bottle and screwed on the nipple. He stuck it in her mouth, instantly calming her. She always made an adorable suckling noise as she drank. It was Alex's current favourite sound. He knew it would get replaced by her laugh.

///

Jo slept for another measly hour. Four hours was definitely not what she needed right now, with a newborn and all. She walked to the couch where Alex sat with Hazel in his arms. He couldn't stop holding her. She was so tiny and adorable, plus she was a great cuddle buddy while he did his work. She sat down, wrapping her arm around his arm. "I need you to stay home with me- us. I know this case means a lot to you, but I need you home. And I'm not asking. Im telling."

He nodded. He was already planning on staying home for a few weeks after finishing the case, however it was clear she needed him. "Was It another nightmare?" He asked the question he already had the answer to. He frowned as she quietly nodded. "The same one, or different?"

"The same." As much as she didnt want to, she replied. "I found a therapist.." She said sheepishly "You know, at two am." She couldn't even force a laugh.

"Did you book weekly appointments?" He asked. Her hand slid down his arm, interlacing their fingers. She nodded.

"Tuesdays."

"Okay. You start tomorrow then?" He asked, she nodded. He felt awful. He should've been there for her. He shouldn't have been at work. He wasn't even off of paternity leave yet. "He isn't going to hurt either of you, okay? After court we don't have to think of him ever again." He squeezed her hand.

Jo wished it was that simple. Unfortunately, it wasn't. She was going to carry around that baggage for the rest of her life. It was a part of her now- It changed her.

"I'll drive you so you can have as much time with this nugget as you possibly can." He broke her out of her endless loop of thoughts. "I gave her a bottle. She made that adorable sucking noise." He smirked, trying to cheer her up. He knew how much she loved to talk about Hazel. She finally gave him a smile; a half genuine one.

///

The next day, Alex was making breakfast while Jo nursed Hazel. She anxiously played with Hazel's hand. She was nervous for her appointment. She had never been good with opening up, especially to strangers.

"This is a good thing, Jo." He broke the silence which he seemed to be doing a lot over the past day. He walked over with two bowls of Special K. They still hardly ever made home cooked meals.

"I know." She nodded. That was the most she had been saying since her night terror. She watched him set her bowl down on the coffee table in front of them. She pat Hazel's bottom as she ate.

"I can take her once she is done so you can eat." She only nodded.

An hour later, they were at the front door, ready to leave. Hazel was sitting in her car seat. Alex had changed her diaper, and then into a sleeper with teddy bears on it while Jo got herself ready. She had a blanket over her, and a pacifier in her mouth as she peacefully slept. "Ready?" Alex asked as he watched Jo slide her black winter coat on. She nodded. They walked out together. Jo sat in the back, next to Hazel. She had her hand over her tiny torso as they drove. It felt so wrong to drive with her in the car.

Once they arrived, they walked up to the hospital hand in hand. Alex was carrying Hazel in her seat with his free hand. They stopped in front of the doctors room. Alex carefully took his daughter out of her seat, handing her to Jo as he cooed quietly, "Say bye-bye to mommy."

She kissed the top of the baby's head, cuddling her close to her chest. "I love you, basil. I'll see you soon." She whispered.

She stood holding her for a few minutes before Alex said she was going to be late. "This is a good thing," He reminded her "I'll come pick you up at nine-forty-five." He pecked her lips.

"Okay." She replied. She walked into the therapist's office.