Safety Net

42

NEW YEARS EVE
7:20 pm
Jo had spent the entirety of the last month researching, attending court hearings, begging the police to investigate further, all while caring for a eleven month old baby, that had started to get into everything in sight. She wasn't quite walking, but she was definitely crawling. She sat on the couch when Hazel started calling for her. "Mamama..." she babbled, crawling up to her mothers legs.
"Hold on, Haze. I'm almost done." she said, hurrying her typing. She deleted and re-typed her email to the lawyer a million times. She kept rambling on about anything and everything when all she wanted to know was an update on Alex. She hit send and closed the laptop, sliding it off her lap, onto the couch next to her. She lifted Hazel by her armpits and sat her in her lap. "Hi, pretty girl." she smiled. She was more than happy to spend the next hour playing with her. She had been so caught up with everything, she forgot to really pay attention to Hazel.
They sat on the floor playing for thirty minutes before Jo got them both changed. Jo wore a glittery tight fitting dress--something totally out of her comfort zone--and Hazel wore a red dress with a big tulle skirt and black leggings. Her hair was in two pigtails at the top of her head, meanwhile her mother's was loosely curled and pulled into a ponytail.
They arrived at Meredith's house just a few minutes past eight-thirty. She opened the door and walked in, only pausing to take her Adidas off. She had brought a pair high heels--yet another thing out of her comfort zone. She wanted to have fun tonight. She did not want her mind to constantly be on Alex, and getting him out of prison. She was going to do anything to accomplish that, even if it meant making her feet ache.
"Mer, we're here." Jo called out, holding Hazel on her hip. She reached for her mother's earring, enthralled with how it sparkled in the light. Jo gently guided her hand away as they walked into the kitchen. She held the end of the chip bag up for Meredith, who was struggling to hold the bowl and keep Ellis from getting into the cookies.
"Thank God you're here," Meredith mumbled, right before setting the bowl down and picking her three-year-old daughter up. She pushed her hair out of her face, sighing. "Derek won't be here 'til later. He got rushed into surgery a few hours ago. And Lex and Mark aren't going to make it, because she started having contractions. It's just been the kids and I setting all this up. And," She inhaled, "I need a drink." She laughed breathlessly.
"Well, it looks great." Jo motioned at the gold, black, and white decorations. The balloons, napkins, and plates had 2019 plastered on them. She scooped up a tortilla chip and dipped it in the salsa. "And this tastes great. Can I help with anything?"
"Here, take this to the living room. Just... sit it anywhere." She held out a platter of vegetables--the one you could buy at any grocery store. She wasn't going to make any more work for herself by cutting them herself.
Jo sat it down on the coffee table with no real care for its placement. Their friends were coming over. They didn't have anyone to impress. She sat down on the couch, sitting Hazel in her lap. "You're going to get really antsy if I keep you contained all night, aren't you?" She chuckled at her daughter, who couldn't care less about what Jo was saying. She was too busy squirming to get down, so Jo sat her down. She stood up, following Hazel around everywhere she went, since Meredith and Derek's house wasn't baby-proofed anymore.
By the time Jo had gotten Hazel occupied in her pack 'n' play with a baby sensory video, Arizona, Sofia, and Callie arrived. Then came Stephanie, Amelia, Maggie, Jackson, Bailey, Ben, and their son Tuck. Finally, as Jo was putting Hazel down for bed, she heard the door close before Derek's muffled voice. She paused, praying to hear Alex's come after, or to hear the door rattling again. But nothing came. She swallowed, continuing to zip up Hazel's leaf and cricket printed sleeper. She laid her on her sleep-sack and did it up before picking her up and laying her in her arms. "Ready to go night-night, Hazel Basil?" she cooed, sitting down on the bed in the guest bedroom. Their bag of clothes, diapers, pajamas, and other over-night items was at the foot. She planned to sleep over, because it sounded like a much better idea than transporting a sleeping infant. Besides, she never got any sleep at the loft. All she could think about was Alex, and it would be no different tonight, but at least she didn't have the pictures and empty bed to remind her of that.
She pulled her shirt down and helped Hazel latch on. Every night she nursed her to sleep, she reminded of how grateful she was she got to do it successfully for so long. She had always wanted to for at least a year, and she was so glad she was able to. She ran her fingers through Hazel's brown hair, smiling softly. She tilted her head back, trying not to fall asleep in the dimly lit room.
After twenty minutes, Hazel was passed out in her arms. She carefully lowered her into the pack 'n' play (which Callie had helped bring upstairs) and slid her arms out from under her. She snuck out of the room and quietly closed the door behind her, muffling the noise machine inside. She walked downstairs and immediately found herself by the drinks. If she ever wanted to get her mind off of Alex, she needed a drink... or ten.
She had consumed at least five shots by the time it was midnight. Everyone had quietly cheered Happy New Year, mindful of the sleeping children, and kissed their partners. At that point, Jo had to step outside. She gripped the banister as she felt stomach bile bubble up. God, she was drunk. And nauseous. The one thing she wanted most was Alex, but that was the one thing she couldn't have.
She leaned agaisnt a tree in Meredith's front yard, holding her head in her hand as she took deep breaths. She had almost jumped out of her skin when she felt a warm, petite hand on her back. "Jesus, Shepherd," she groaned rubbing her eyes. "Try making a sound next time."
"I did. I said your name, even." Amelia dropped her hand to her side, watching Jo with something that could only be described as pity.
"Stop looking at me like that." Jo mumbled. She didn't want pity. End of story. She had been dealt the short straw her whole life. This wasn't the first time in her life where she felt so irretrievably miserable.
Amelia didn't say anything, but she did stop looking at her. She knew what it was like. She just stood there, silently offering Jo her ear. They must've stood there for ten minutes before Jo's ring tone sounded.
"Mmhm?" Jo slurred into the speaker until she heard who the caller was. Amelia waited until Jo had slipped her phone back into her purse to ask.
"Who was that?"
"Alex's lawyer," Jo's words felt drawn out, like she was letting the taste of the words coat her tongue before speaking. Amelia gave her a look, prompting her to continue. "He's, uh... They're letting him go. He's free." There was a moment of nothing before the everything started. Everything Jo had neglected to feel, or do, or care for came crashing down on her. She was exhausted. And then, the nothingness began again, and she was falling into Amelia as the world around her went black.