Te Odio

5~Why Won't You Love Me

Can you tell me why?
I hold on to you and you hold on to me

“It’s too cold, can we turn back?” Calum groaned. He and his sister, Mali-Koa were out on their daily run along the river bank.

“You’re such a wuss, Cal.” Mali commented.

“Come on, I know a shortcut.” Calum said, jumping off the path into the forest.

“Cal- Calum! Where are you going?’ Mali squeaked, following Calum.

“Shortcut!” Calum repeated.

Calum jogged through the forest, ducking under branches and leaping over logs. This was heaps better than running on a boring riverbank. This way had way more excitement and people he knew, like Ashton.

Wait, Ashton?

Calum stopped jogging as he saw, in the distance, Ashton lying in crumbled heap against a tree. Panic rising within him, he quickly ran over and dropped to his knees in front of Ashton. The first think Calum noticed was Ashton’s bandaged arm and the other one, holding fresh cuts from the wrist to about halfway between there and his elbow.

“No, no, no. Not again!” Calum whispered.

He noticed Ashton was shivering slightly. It’s no surprise, it was below 10°C at the moment. Calum tried shaking Ashton’s shoulder to wake him up, but to no avail.

“Come on Ash, you gotta wake up for me, okay? Come on, this can’t happen again!” Calum cried, hot tears streaming his face. “Mali! Mali come here! Please!”

Calum heard footsteps in the distance before a panting Mali stopped behind him.

“Cal, where’d you-” Mali gasped. “Is- Is that Ashton? Does he...?”

Calum nodded softly, biting his lip with wide eyes. He was trying to hold back his tears but he couldn’t. Tears dripped down his face, some landing on Ashton and some landing on himself. His chest felt tight from panic. This can’t happen again. It was hell last time. He hated seeing Ashton suffer through self-doubt, self-consciousness, general unhappiness, self hate and of course self-harm. It took four heartbreaking years to stop Ashton from doing this to himself and two years for Ashton to finally start eating enough food. Seeing fresh cuts on his arm was just bringing back the worst memories of his childhood. Calum just couldn't lose Ashton.

“He’s not waking up, Mali!” Calum cried, looking up at her.

“Pour your water on his face.” Mali instructed.

Calum nodded and grabs his small drink bottle off of a clip on his belt. His shaky hands untightened the blue bottle and he poured half the water on Ashton’s face, it running down his face and down his shirt.

Ashton’s eyes fluttered lightly as he woke with a start.

“Thank god,” Calum whispered.

“Calum?” Ashton croaked, sitting up and rubbing his head.

“Ashton, when did you start- When did you start that again?” Calum whispered.

Ashton’s eyes widened in realisation and he quickly moved his arm out of sight but it was too late. Calum had seen it and now he knew it was happening again.

Calum looked Ashton in the eye and forced himself to stop the tears. Without hesitation, Calum wrapped his arms tightly around Ashton, resting his chin on Ashton’s shoulder.

“Please, please don’t.” Calum whispered, his voice breaking in almost every syllable. “I can’t lose you, please.”

Ashton gently wrapped his arms around Calum and cried into his shoulder, feeling safe in his arms.