mia
"mu-mumma!" i heard my name being called and i immediately sat up, turning over to see stella standing up in her crip, gripping the bars, and staring at me, between the railing.
i sat up from bed, walking over to go pick her up, "good morning, pretty girl!" i smiled, leaning down to pick up my no-longer tiny baby.
stella was beautiful, she had grown so much, her hair had turned jet black, her skin was still pale, which contrasted her bright blue eyes perfectly.
she was turning 1 in a few days, and i couldn't even believe it.
my baby, one year old.
i sat down on my bed, placing her down in bed next to me, i lay her down and pulled her into my chest, in which she started giggling.
i kissed her forehead, and she started babbling, she could say a few words, "mama", "up!", and "no!" (which she said repeatedly for several weeks.
"you're getting so big," i smiled, kissing her little neck and she giggled, squirming around.
"give mommy 5 more minutes of sleep, please." i sighed, closing my eyes, and she curled up next to my chest and i rubbed her back softly.
i thought i knew what love was, but then i had stella. it's a bond i can't even describe, she is my favourite person on earth.
i sighed, closing my eyes. as adorable as stella is, i am exhausted.
stellas birthday party is the day after tomorrow and i still have so much to get done, we're inviting a bunch of my mom friends who are bringing stellas friends she met at baby yoga and all the other activities i put her in.
stella sat up and started to tug at my sweater, and i let out a sigh, it's breakfast time and stella knows her schedule perfectly.
i stood up and leaned down, picking her up and placing her on my hip.
and as i was walking down the hallway i caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror, and i paused.
stella and i have both grown so much over the past year, and exactly one ago today, she was still in my tummy.
i can't even believe she was so tiny at one point, seeing her grow up is so equally heartbreaking and heartwarming.
i haven't seen joji in almost a year, i'm doing okay now. but the first few months were really tough dealing with a newborn and a broken heart.
but every day is a new day, and as much as i feel i'm over him, i look at stella and all i can see is him.
i'm dreading the day she gets old enough to ask where her dad is, because i have no idea what to tell her.
all i know, is that she is surrounded by so much love that she can survive without her dad and i can too.
i turned and continued down the stairs and walked past the living room to see max on the couch.
he was buried in a nest of blankets with his laptop on his lap.
"good morning," i smiled, and stella immediately started babbling and doing grabby hands at max.
i walked over and handed her over to him, and he kissed her forehead and she giggled, settling down on his lap and watching what he was doing on his laptop.
