Switching Teams (BoyxBoy) (Completed)

What comes next

I lay on my bed staring at my ceiling until everything blurs together and I'm left with nothing but a numb feeling spreading throughout me.

It's been an emotional day (plus I threw up from the hangover) and it has taken a lot out of me. But I feel lighter with my secret at least partially out of the closet. At the moment I can't even remember what I was so scared of. But that doesn't matter, there is still a ways to go. I took the first step and now I have to learn to walk.

I can't stop wondering though, did Levi know this would happen when he told me he had come out?

Did he mean too force my hand and throw open my closet doors with such a dramatic flair?

Can I even blame him for my coming out to my parents? I mean, him coming out to his family gave me a push off the ledge, but I could've held onto the sides until my fingers bled. Technically, I could have spent my whole life in the closet if I chose to. Consequences dammed, it was me that chose to let go and fall.

He just wants to be with me - no conditions or secrets. I can't tell anymore if it's my heart or my mind talking. Does it matter though when both mind and heart both agree on Levi?

I was so deep into my thoughts and the silence of the room that the shrill ringtone from my cell scared me.

Gunner.

His name flashing across my screen, the green and red phones dancing waiting to see which I'll pick.

"Hey Gun,"

"What the actual fuck, B!" I pull my phone away from my ear a little as he shouts but I can still hear him clearly.

"You just disappeared on me last night and weren't answering your phone! I've been worried sick! I was ready to call the damn police!" His frustration was practically radiating through the phone.

I had disappeared? Where'd I go? I mean I obviously got home okay, did I walk? Is that how my mom knew I was hungover before I even got out of bed?

"I'm sorry. I didn't -" I start, but Gunner interrupts me again.

"You were acting weird all night and the drinking? Damn, what the hell is that about - you never drink!? and before you disappeared you had a different cup or bottle every time I saw you!"

My mouth opens and closes as I try to think of what to say. Truth is, I remember none of this. The only solid thing from last night that I can grasp onto is walking away from Levi in the locker room, his sobs echoing in my ear as if I were still there.

The rest is a blur. Tossing my keys to Gunner as I walk towards the party, grabbing that first red solo cup and then my mom waking me up.

"You still there, B?" his voice breaks me from my hazy memories.

"Yeah," I clear my throat, sitting up on my bed with my back resting against my headboard, "Look, Gun, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to - I mean," I take a deep breath, trying to get quickly get my thoughts in order, but how can you quickly clean up after a tornado?

"I don't want some bullshit excuse, B," he says and I hear some shuffling around him, "I'm your best friend and I know when somethings wrong."

I don't know what I was expecting him to say, but that wasn't it. If he was in the room with me, he would clearly see the shock written on my face.

But why wasn't I expecting it? I mean, we have been friends for as long as I can remember and I can always tell when something is up with him. So why wouldn't he be able to do the same with me?

Did I really think that my mask was strong enough to hide from Gunner?

I mean, he hasn't figured out my secret yet though, so it's got some strength to it.

"What happened with Lucy?" Once again, Gunner said something I wasn't expecting.

"Lucy?" I couldn't have heard him right, but then again, what else sounds like Lucy?

There's a pause as I wait for him to respond. A part of me is so tired of lying and wants to jump in and start filling him in on everything. But I can't get the words to move and the silence is deafening.

"I told you what happened between her and Miles, but that was a while ago," it's a vague lead-in I know, but I still hope he bites.

"No not that. She was looking for you at the party, said it was important," now he's fishing and waiting for me to bite and the temptation is great.

But the only time I remember seeing Lucy last night was when I was on the field and she was talking to Levi. I didn't even know she was going to the party.

I gasp and nearly drop my phone with the thought that is now dancing around my head

Did Levi tell her about us?

"I um, didn't see her at all," I sigh, "That I recall anyway."

This is ridiculous and exactly why I never wanted to drink in the first place! I struggle to filter through the alcohol haze, willing myself to remember anything about Lucy from the party but there is nothing.

In any case, so what if he told his sister about me? Truth be told, if I were out of my closet, I might have confided in someone I trusted. My chest hurt then and it still hurts now, the alcohol did nothing to numb it like people say it does. Maybe I should talk about it.

Maybe someone else calling me an idiot will be just what I need to at least relieve the pain in my chest.

"Gun, I -" The words die in my throat and I press my fist against my forehead hoping it will somehow clear away all the doubt and self-consciousness. My parents didn't react badly and Gunner has been my best friend practically forever. I would accept him no matter what and I have to trust that it goes both ways.

"You're right, Gun." The words barely a whisper but I know that he heard me, "I need to talk to you but there is something I have to do first."

"if Lucy is pregnant, I will fully support you asking her for a paternity test before anything," despite the tightness filling my chest again, I laugh at his words.

"Thanks," I say between my laughter, "I'll drop by tomorrow if that's cool?"

"Yeah, B, I'll see you then," another see ya later and I end the call and toss my phone on my bed.

I won't lie and say I'm not at least a little concerned about my talk tomorrow with Gunner. I truly fear that no matter who the audience, coming out of my closet will be nerve-racking. There will always be too many 'what-ifs' and the possibility of losing someone I care about all because I am in love with a man is devastating.

I just need to keep reminding myself that if they can't support who I choose to love than they don't deserve a place in my life.

Still, the nerves traveling through me about Gunner are nothing compared to the full-body butterfly hurricane taking over me over what I'm about to do.

I'm going to talk to Levi.

<3 <3 <3 <3