i'll be back in the morning // lil peep fanfic

Nine

I looked at Gus's body in the casket. I still had to go up and say goodbye. I was sitting in the back of the room, trying to avoid everyone. Tracy sat next to me. "He's dead. Really."
"It... Yeah. He is." I mumbled.
"Did you go up?"
"No."
"You should."
"I can't, not alone."
"I'll come with you." He stood up and I followed.
I slowly followed him up to the casket with Gus's body in it. "I can talk alone."
"Okay." He backed up.
I looked at Gus's face and touched his cheek. "I miss you. I shouldn'tve let you take it, I should've stopped you. I could've. But I didn't. I'm gonna miss you so much, I already do, you mean so much to me and that'll never change. I'll always be the ghost girl to your Hellboy. You'll always be Lil' Bo Peep cause we're gonna keep your memory alive. You know the lyric in U Said? I can still feel your touch, I still do the same drugs. That's me right now. I still feel like you're hugging me and whispering new song lyrics in my ear. You're my everything. Eventually, you'll be everybody's everything. Just watch. I love you, Gus."
I walked back down and sat next to Tracy. He smiled. "That was nice."
I nodded and bit my lip. "I dunno what I'm gonna do without him."
"What you did before."
"It was nothing without him."
"You look gorgeous."
"Thanks." I smoothed my dress down.
Liza walked to the front of the room. "Uh, attention, everyone." She paused. "We're all here to mourn the death of my son, Gus. He died way too young, at a time where his career was increasing exponentially. He had so many people close to him and so many people who's hearts he touched. Especially his girlfriend, Leia." I reddened. "She met him when they were nine and they've since grown up together. She could tell it way better then I could, so Leia, can you come up here?"
I exhaled shakily and walked up to the podium. "Uh. Hi. I'm Leia. Gus's girlfriend. Yeah. We met when we were nine and since grew up together. And we'd always do everything together. So we did bad stuff together. We started doing drugs together, and stuff like that. And he left for tour. And came back, and I went on tour again with him. And we did so much stuff together, and... And he died. Which you all know. Cause we're here, and... Yeah. Gus was an amazing human being and he could've done so much more but he died so early. I... I love you, Gus. I hope you're happy."

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"Your music was the only thing keeping the peace when I was falling to pieces. And I still am. But your music just makes me sad now." I sighed, looking at the stars. "You're one of the lights up there. All of the stars have a reason. A reason to shine, a reason like mine, and I'm falling to pieces. Look at the sky tonight, all of the stars have a reason." I sighed again. "I'm looking at the stars, and I can't find a reason to live. Can't find a reason to be here without you." I lit a blunt and inhaled the smoke. "Gus, you... I don't know what I'm gonna do without you. I don't know where I'm gonna go next, I don't know what the hell I'm supposed to do. I miss you. You're my everything. And if you could just give me a sign you're here to me, that's all I need."
The star I was looking at flickered. I smiled. "I love you, Gus."