more than a fan- billie eilish

bye bye hell hospital

elle's POV (it's been a minute 😢)

5 day skip*

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today is my last day in the hospital. ebony has been acting strange all day but she's probably just happy i'm finally leaving. everybody is gathered around in my room, just making sure we have everything. i'm no longer wearing a hospital gown, but billie's hoodie and some of her sweat pants. they smell like her, my favorite smell. 

"i forgot to tell you! well, i did tell you but you probably couldn't hear me..." billie trails off when she gets to the end. 

"what is it baby?" i ask. "finn, claudia and i took your sisters around the city and i got you a present." she smiles a little and rummages through her bag. "i swear to god if it's a str- wait my mom is here. what is it?" she stops herself.

she pulls out a small teddy bear and hands it to me. it has a kids blohsh t-shirt on that she must've gotten from her merch shop and cut down to the bear's size. it has my blosh necklace on it, some blohsh earrings pierced into it and a green mo hawk. 

"awe, i love it so much" i pout and take it from her, hugging it tightly. "this is my new favorite thing and i will treasure it forever." i inform her and sniff it. "and it smells like you!" i exclaim. "i put the vanilla and coconut smell thing in there. press it's paw." she tells me. i do as i'm told. "hey mamas. i know we haven't said it to each other quite yet but i love you so much. don't ever forget that. muah, muah, muah. i know that when you wake up, i'm going to tell you one thousand times, even if you don't love me back. i miss you so much. everything about you i miss. i hope to see you soon. okay they're laughing at me and telling me to stop. I LOVE YOU!" billie's voice speaks from the teddy bear and her laughter ends the recording. "thank you so much" i frown and hug her. "look, i got one too" she says and starts looking through her bag. she pulls out a lion, the national animal of my england. it has the england flag shirt on it and blohsh earrings that match my bear's. i bring it to my nose and inhale immediately smelling my signature scent,  strawberries and the ocean.  i press the paw of it, wondering what sound will come out. i hear my voice on recording, she must've used a voicemail or a voice message i sent her. "hello love! i miss you more than anything ugh! i wish we could always be together because you make everything better. i miss your presence and your hugs. i miss your ocean eyes and your lips. i miss everything about you and i cannot wait to see you again. i'll see you soon! bye love! muah". i feel tears build up in my eyes. i remember sending her that voice message. it had been about a week since we'd seen each other and i was really missing her. she was busy so she couldn't talk. i wanted her to know i missed her so i sent her a voice message. she always sent me them and i always sent them back when we couldn't facetime or call because we missed each other's voices. 

i hug her tightly once again and she hugs me back. "come on, ebony needs us." she whispers. "how do you know?" i ask. "she told me a little while ago. come on" she tells me. she intertwines our fingers and i put her arm on my shoulder, not unlocking our hands. she leads me to the elevator and up to the music room. yet again, there is a party, not nearly as big but still a party. "god, how many parties does this damn hospital have?" i exclaim. "today is an important day. you get a party" billie laughs. "elle! today is your last day here, let's party it up while it lasts" ebony tells me. i chat with all the nurses and doctors that were available until several of them get called away. billie and i dance in the middle of the room with claudia and finneas. we all laugh and smile. 

"we better get going" billie suggests. "you're right. thank you guys so much!" i announce. "speech!" i hear finneas yell. "god, okay" i sigh. "i'd just like to thank everyone here. my mom, maggie, finneas, patrick, claudia, everyone. ebony, you took care of me and you didn't even know me. thank you so, so much. i wouldn't be here without you. there is one person i haven't mentioned that deserves so much appreciation, applause, praise, and love. and that woman is named billie. my other half. my world. the love of my life. she stayed with me through everything. she could've left, god knows she could find another lover, but she stuck with me. and for that, i raise my glass to billie. don't worry, it's just water" i laugh. "to billie" i say and raise my cup. "to billie!" everyone else repeats, doing the same thing. "and one more thing. i have been waiting for too long to say this. bye bye hell hospital!" i exclaim, making everyone laugh and clap. "don't get me wrong, you are all amazing i just want to be free." i laugh, everyone nodding or agreeing. "i love you baby" i tell her and kiss her cheek. she seems lost. "what's wrong?" i ask. "nothing. i'm good." she nods. "if you say so." i say with a look of concern. 

they send me off well and we drive back to billie's hotel. it's not too late, around 10:45. billie and i get up to our room and she lays down. i climb on top of her and start kissing her neck. she still seems saddened. "billie. talk to me." i tell her, climbing off of her. "what?" she furrows her eyebrows. "i know something is wrong. tell me." i order. "i- okay." she takes a deep breath. "please, please don't be mad or hurt. it was a mistake." she starts. "billie, please just tell me." i say, starting to get worried. 

"i-i cheated on you."