Shawn and Andrea

1

I was pulled out of my thoughts when Francesca snapped her fingers in front of me.

"Lalim iniisip mo ah?"

Nginitian ko lang siya. "Wala lang 'to."

'Di ko pa nasasabi sa kanya yung nangyari kahapon. I also couldn't get enough sleep last night. Aside from Iñaki's sudden break up, I also kept on thinking about Shawn.

Does he like me? O baka naman it was just pity that he felt.

Hindi ko 'yan natanong sa kanya kagabi kasi nabigla ako. Umalis kaagad ako after nun.

I saw a familiar face which had my heart racing. Iñaki would always look good in my eyes. Kung dati kilig at saya ang nararamdaman ko every time nakikita ko siya, ngayon puro sakit nalang.

I still love him. He was my first love. My first kiss. My first everything.

Pero wala na akong magagawa dun. Kahit anong pagmamakaawa ang gawin ko, 'di na siya babalik. Kilala ko si Iñaki. Matigas ang puso nun. Bagay talaga sa kanya ang maging lawyer.

"Uy ayan si Iñaki-- wow nilagpasan ka lang? Nag-away ba kayo? Kaya ka ba nagkakaganyan?" Francesca asked.

"He broke up with me, Francesca." I could feel my eyes welling up with tears again. Nagulat naman siya sa sinabi ko. Lahat naman siguro ganyan ang magiging reaction. 5 years and who would've thought na maghihiwalay kami kasi he fell out of love.

Ang hirap.

Ang unfair.

Ba't parang ang dali-dali lang para sa kanya? Eto ako naghihirap. I still am holding on to something that's long gone.

He didn't even look at me. He was so cold. I was like a stranger to him. Grabe lang. Parang walang pinagsamahan.

"Uy..." Francesca tried to soothe me. "Tahan na."

I stood up and told her I needed to go to the CR. People were looking at me as I passed by the corridor. Nahihiya ako pero bahala na 'to. Nakayuko lang akong naglalakad. Mas binilisan ko pa and that was when I bumped into someone.

"Sorry." I said. The guy I bumped into wore a familiar perfume. I looked up and saw Shawn with his eyes on me.

"Why are you crying?" he asked. I looked away from him. There was something in his eyes I couldn't quite fathom. He is a mysterious man indeed.

Binawi ko yung braso kong hawak niya. "Sorry. I need to go."

Nagmadali akong lumayo sa kanya. Wrong timing naman. Gulung-gulo na ako. I don't have time for this. I don't want to use anyone.

Buti nalang at walang tao sa rest room. Isasara ko na sana yung pinto nang biglang pumasok si Shawn.

"Hoy! A-Anong ginagawa mo?" gulat na sabi ko.

Shawn closed the door behind him and locked it.

Oh my goddess.

"Lumabas ka nga! Baka may nakakita sa 'yo at kung ano nalang ang isipin nila!"

Jusq! Baka isipin ng mga tao na nagmimilagro kami dito!

Napaatras ako nang humakbang siya papalapit sa akin. Ang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko at nararamdaman kong umiinit na yung mga pisngi ko.

"You can cry now. I'm here." He said when he was now in front of me. I was trapped between the wall and this massive guy.

I just looked at him, confused. Ang awkward namang umiyak sa harapan niya. Parang ayaw ko na tuloy umiyak. "Why are you doing this, Shawn? Gusto mo ba ako?"

"Yes. I do like you." deretsahan niyang sabi.

Fudgee bar naman.

I pursed my lips. "I don't want to use you. Hindi ako ganyang tao. Ayaw kitang gawing panakip-butas. I'm sorry, but I'm not ready to enter into a relationship."

He stared at me long and hard. I couldn't help but notice his hair naturally falling to his brown eyes. Gwapo naman talaga si Shawn. Campus crush nga ang lalakeng ito, e.

"Shawn, please move." I asked softly and he didn't budge.

"I'm not asking for your permission to use me. I am more than willing to be used by you. Basta ikaw, okay lang. I want you to forget about that guy and just try... try to be with me."

I avoided his gaze and looked down.

Do I deserve this? Mahal ko pa si Iñaki pero deserve ko naman sigurong sumaya? Okay ba ang bigyan ko ng chance si Shawn?

Gusto ko pero mahal ko pa si Iñaki. Ayokong makasakit ng tao. I know how it feels to be broken.

It's okay to be the one being broken than being the person who breaks people.

"Wala akong pakialam kung mahal mo pa ang gagong yun. Just be with me. Gamitin mo ako para mawala na siya sa systema mo."

Napaangat ulit ako ng tingin sa kanya. I've never met a person like him before. He likes me this much, huh?

"Shawn, I don't want to hurt you. We can be friends naman."

"Marami na akong kaibigan, Andrea. 'Wag ka ng dumagdag pa."

Ang kulit naman nito.

"I'll think about it. Please move."

Umalis siya sa harapan ko at dumeretso ako sa pinto. Dahan-dahan ko itong binuksan at nang makita kong walang tao ay agad akong lumabas.

Napabuntong hininga ako. Ayoko. I don't want to use him. Bahala na. I'm just going to avoid him nalang.

Napahinto ako sa paglalakad nang makita ko si Iñaki. Nasa tapat siya ng isang classroom. He looked like he was waiting for someone. 'Di nagtagal ay may lumabas na babae at agad siyang niyakap.

Sumikip yung dibdib ko. My breathing was short. Ito ba yung rason kung bakit niya ako hiniwalayan? Kasi may iba na siya?

Napakaunfair naman. Naiiyak na naman ako. Why am I such a weakling when it comes to him?

Kinabahan ako nang napatingin si Iñaki sa direksyon ko. I stood there frozen on my spot. His face held no emotion.

Nabigla ako nang may umakbay sa 'kin. Napaangat ako ng tingin at nakita si Shawn na nakangiti sa 'kin.

"Don't cry. I hate it. I hate... seeing you cry." He wiped my tears on my cheek with his thumb.

"Use me, Andrea. Just fucking use me. You won't regret it." he whispered lowly on my ear that sent shivers down my spine.

I looked at Iñaki and noticed his hands were in a fist. His jaws were clenched and the girl who was hugging him a while ago was now looking at me.

I don't deserve to be hurt. I've given so much. I've loved so much and in return, he just threw our 5 year relationship like trash.

I don't know what came to me, but I grabbed Shawn's collar and kissed him right there and then.

There is no turning back now.